tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3152695738682227712024-02-20T01:05:40.490-08:00Deb Hawken's MusingsTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-46520127659969589672015-06-14T04:16:00.000-07:002015-06-14T04:16:13.034-07:00Are You a Rocket Scientist?There are no two words more associated with intelligence, or the questioning of intelligence, than "Rocket Scientist". And there is no word more associated with the failure to solve life's problems than 'complication'.<br />
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Think about scientists. They want to learn something or building something so they formulate a question and then they seek ways to find answers that prove or disprove their theories, together with research and testing this is how they achieve their goals. <br />
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Do you think that scientists sit down and say "okay guys, what's <i>the </i>most complicated and difficult way we can go about this?" I wouldn't think so. They didn't go into the field to take 40 years to find something out, or worse still to fail. They went into the world full of curiosity and seeking answers.<br />
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As yourself, would a scientific researcher be upset if, on their first day at work, they discovered that the cure for all cancers was a teaspoon of salt a day? Or do you think NASA want a spacecraft that can be operated and repaired easily when it's in space, or one so complex they can never work it out but they look good trying?<br />
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So let's assume that I'm right and scientists don't set out to complicate matters. They want easy answers to every question and easy solutions to every problem; the easiest workable solutions they can find. So let's think how we can take a more straightforward and simple approach to the issues that bug us:<br />
<ul>
<li>Start by working out what the problem is in the simplest possible terms. Remove all complication. Get to the black and white.</li>
<li>Answer the question "what is the simplest answer to this problem?" Remember that simple may not equal easy to achieve, but the simplest and easiest answer will of course make it simpler and easier to deal with.</li>
<li>Test your solution.</li>
<li>If it works job done, if not...</li>
<li>Seek another simple and easy solution...and repeat.</li>
</ul>
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You might notice that I'm breaking all writing rules here by repeating the words simple and easy at every possible opportunity. I'm doing it deliberately in order to break down the social idea that life is complex and problems are so <i>difficult </i>that solving them is a <i>terrible </i>worry. <br />
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I want to destroy the idea that life <i>has </i>to be difficult, that happiness is hard to find, that there are <i>always </i>worries, that <i>no one can expect to be happy</i>. These ideas are untrue, plus they complicate life and confuse our decision making processes. Have you ever had someone say "it's not that simple" in reply to an idea you've had? Why can't things be simple, in fact very often life is extraordinarily simple.</div>
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One of the biggies is obviously trying to get out of a bad relationship. When asked whether they love their partners people will often reply "yes but not in <i>that </i>way, more as a friend". Yet they know that if they're having marriage/partnership problems that wasn't the question that was asked. <br />
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They <i>know </i>what the question meant but fear of the next step forces them to politely soften the answer in such a way that it makes the problem more complex. "Well I <i>do </i>love them in a way so maybe I should stay?"</div>
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This is why getting the question clear in your mind is absolutely vital, and then answering it in the simplest and most straightforward way is critical.</div>
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<ul>
<li>Find the real question</li>
<li>Answer the real question</li>
<li>Then stop!</li>
</ul>
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You will probably feel that you now have to end your relationship immediately or sooner, but you don't. Once you know the truth you can spend all the time you need working towards the way to achieve the solution.<br />
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I knew for 6 years that I would leave my first husband but I had to put some emotional difficulties to bed, some practicalities in place, and prepare myself mentally for taking that step. I took all the time I needed and don't regret that, but oh the peace of mind and inner strength I felt simply by admitting the truth to myself. I was no longer trapped, I was moving on and there was no doubt in my mind that I was leaving him, the decision was made.</div>
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There is nothing wrong with deciding not to leave your other half until your last child is 16, but you will be so much more peaceful inside knowing that this is <i>going </i>to happen. It also gives you time to be absolutely certain the decision is right before you take that final step. The key point is always to tell yourself the truth but <i>never </i>believe that you have to share that truth with anyone else.<br />
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All complexity does it prevent you from solving problems, and a lot of that comes from fear and doubts over your ability to create a great future. All you have to do is remember to learn from your mistakes and use that knowledge in a positive way to prevent you repeating them.</div>
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So there we are - a simple idea for simplifying your life and putting a stop to issues before they become problems. <br />
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Who needs more complexity? <br />
<br />
Deb Hawken - Writer, Life Coach, Speaker, Medium<br />
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Author of "Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?"<br />
Available from Amazon in softback or Kindle version,<br />
Barnes & Noble, or Google Play Books.<br />
www.debhawken.com<br />
Email deb@debhawken.com</div>
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<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-6947652495850613722014-04-29T03:59:00.000-07:002014-04-29T03:59:26.478-07:00Technological DisconnectionBefore I continue with this post I want to make one thing very clear. I've had the most fantastic support on Facebook from people I've never met who have been messaging me during this stressful time in my life and offering advice on my problem. Some of them friends, some of them strangers. So none of this applies to anyone who has messaged me or commented, or the two friends already mentioned in despatches.<br />
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Loneliness and Isolation</h3>
From my experience of the past few weeks I feel that we're all relying on certain forms of technology too much. It's perfect for keeping in touch with mates who live a long way away, getting to know new people who would never have been brought into your life, and for a quick "hello I'm thinking of you", but what it doesn't and can never replace is a friendship that offers someone the time to talk when they're in need of support. That voice that says "I'm here and I care and what you're going through matters."<br />
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Support used to be about listening to someone either over the phone or physically being there to <i>show </i>them that you care. Now it can be about a quick "how's it going?" text or online message, and a clear conscience that you've done something to help. I don't know what you, the reader feels, but in my experience being physically alone with no one to talk to creates a huge gap in which all your fears and uncertainties meet up to have a field day.<br />
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Being There</h3>
Yet if a friend turns up, as one of mine did last week, it's as if the sun has come out and even though you don't need them to do anything there is such a strengthening feeling of not being alone with 'all this'.<br />
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However, when you're too much trouble or people are asking how much help you need with a viewpoint to getting away with as little as possible because of the pressures of their life, or you're just getting that quick conscience cleansing text or message, you are reminded how vital that human contact is by the people who still have the courage to provide it.<br />
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There are times I can't do enough for the people I love, due to pressures in my own life I had to issue a heartfelt and sincere apology to a friend just this week because I haven't been able to phone her or visit her as I would wish to. She knows what's going on and brushed it off by apologising in turn for being unable to support me. However, she deserved that apology and she received it, and now she knows that I want to do so much more because <i>I told her. </i>If someone says "I'll come now" the feeling those words create is like several million in the bank! <br />
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Here are few suggestions to help everyone reconnect:</h3>
The question "do you need me to...?" should be avoided at all costs, if your offer of help is sincere phrase it as "I'm on my way" not a question that provides an escape route. Your friend/loved one can still say no but at least they know you definitely would come.<br />
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If they've had a difficult time, such as a bereavement, <i>turn up</i> if you can. Take flowers and when they open the door tell them you're not here to intrude you just wanted to say you're sorry and deliver these personally. that way they can say thank you and shut the door or invite you in if they need the company.<br />
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Texting on a daily basis is kind, but a follow up phone call and the offer to listen is worth a great deal more.<br />
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Sometimes getting outside your own problems in order to support others can provide a rest from your own worries, give you the feeling that you're not alone and maybe not even the unluckiest person you know, and remind you that you are a worthwhile human being. So a problem shared is a healing and connecting experience. <br />
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Maybe you could even take someone out for the day, buy them coffee or lunch, or sit with their problem whilst they take a rare two hours out to breathe in some fresh air and maybe have a hair cut. I know we need social care because so many people work full time, but should we really need our friends and family to have 2 hours respite support in a week when we could go?<br />
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Think about the weekends. When my father was dying we lived a long way away and couldn't give mum anywhere near the support we wanted to, but we discovered that if we went up for a whole weekend it took a lot of pressure off mum and gave dad a change of faces and someone else to talk to. So in the end we had an agreement with Mum, you call and we'll come for the weekend. I think it helped.<br />
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Think outside the box. Can you send flowers or chocolates? What would the person appreciate? In what ways could you help: theatre tickets, film tickets, sitting with someone, books, paying for a haircut or a facial, buying your friend/family a sauna day and being on hand so that they can go. There is so much we can do.<br />
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Most of all, remember that "being there for someone" is preceded by the words "being there". It's not always possible if you live a long way away, but a voice on a phone is a presence and most of us can make a phone call.<br />
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If you're a friend you are a valuable part of someone's life and they of yours, it's about time we all got back to the old ways. Be <i>there</i> or leave a gap that will be filled with loneliness and isolation.<br />
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Deb Hawken<br />
Author of "Who am I, Where am I, What is This Place?" coming soon<br />
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<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-44952220007233688392014-02-08T08:57:00.002-08:002014-02-08T08:57:15.231-08:00The Implant Miscommunication<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?<br />Out Spring 2014 </b></span></td></tr>
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Communication is probably the hardest thing we humans undertake and many are better at understanding and loving their animals than they will ever be with another human being.<br />
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A good example, at my expense of course, would be the implant miscommunication of earlier this week. I had been to the dentist to have the moulds taken so that my new crowns could be manufactured and finally the December eek and February gunk would result in two shiny new crowns and the ability to chew my food properly for the first time in 20 years!<br />
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My dentist, being incredibly thorough and precise, has to take a photograph of your jaw where the implants are to go so that the dental technician making the crowns has as much information to go on as possible in order to get them perfect - James Main (dentist) doesn't work with okay or even right, only perfect. James took 4 photographs of my jaw and luckily I repaired to the bathroom to relieve myself of 2 hours in a dentist's chair before I left for home, because he'd forgotten to put the SD card in the camera!<br />
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When I came home I thought it would be a good idea to give everyone a giggle so I put a post on my page to the effect of "what kind of dentist forgets to put the SD card in his camera when he photographs your implants?" Well I have a few wags on my friends list and of course one of them thought <i>implants </i>rather than metal screws in the jaw and just had to ask why my dentist was photographing <i>those implants</i>. He was worried afterwards that he offended me and I told him he didn't but not that I choked on my drink when I realised what I'd said. What a giggle!<br />
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Sadly though miscommunication isn't always a giggle and getting the right words to convey the right meaning can be very difficult, particularly on social networking sites. <br />
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As a life coach and inspirational author and speaker words are my business, and I have to say that over the years of my life and through the hurt people I have tried to help I have concluded that the pen might be mightier than the sword but words are far more cutting than any murderous implement could ever be. One can slice off limbs and pierce your gizzards and that usually ends in death, whereas unkind words harshly spoken can pierce you to the depths of your heart and soul and although you will live you may never ever make a recovery, not only that, everyone who knows you will spend the rest of their life suffering from your sensitivity towards certain subjects. Not unexpect, not unfair in many circumstances, but still hard for everyone concerned. I know many a new love who's spent the first couple of years of the new relationship healing the wounds of the previous ones.<br />
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I don't need to tell you that of course because we're all victims of the past and we've all been hurt. However, it is something that needs not just a lot of discussion but a great deal of thought and soul searching. Because as much as we are all victims of the past, we are also the perpetrators who have affected the present that creates the hurt past of other people. I doubt if there is one truly innocent human being alive (who can communicate) who hasn't at one time of another spoken their mind when they should have cut their tongue out. Unfortunately the tongue is the sword of the mind which is the verabliser of the hurt feelings that result in permanent injury by an object that would be better used counting teeth and checking fillings! <br />
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Of course the most common cause of miscommunication is disagreement over a point of view. We hear all the time that "I am entitled to my opinion" and yet there are wounded feelings and buckets of tearful consternation when someone else disagrees. Note that the term we tend to use is <i>disagreeing </i>rather than "verbalising their own opinion to which they have the same right as anyone else". You see the conundrum with which we are faced. Entitlement versus disagreement, right versus wrong.<br />
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All this is the result of differing attitudes and viewpoints that result in hurt feelings because A does not have B's belief therefore A has made B wrong, and most human beings find it very hard to be wrong in the eyes of another. You can't trust that B can you!<br />
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The trouble is that no matter how hard we all try to communicate at the moment there are still upsets. One reason for this is that we are only now emerging from the Age of Pisces, the Age of Conflict, and it could take humanity another decade or seventy (thousand) to lose our defensiveness and move to a place where we don't need to be entitled to our opinion because the global opinion is kindness and respect for other living beings manifested by 'what can I do to help and support you?'<br />
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I always believe that a blog such as this, which points out a problem, should end with positive ideas for a resolution of that problem, but I will admit that I'm beaten. <br />
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I try very hard to communicate clearly and kindly but still somehow have misunderstandings. I bite my tongue as hard as I can when I see unkindness, assumptions or prejudice of any kind, but find it hard to remain silent when I know beyond a shadow of doubt that humanity needs to change and that people have to start <i>feeling </i>that truth and every moment that we don't someone else gets hurt.<br />
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I started a page on Facebook called The Campaign for Kindness (DebHKindnessSpace) where I try to promote as much kindness and understanding as I can, for the simple reason that it is the only way forwards that I can see. If our only creed, religion, nationality or belief was kindness then hurting each other would have to stop and stop now. <br />
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It won't happen in my lifetime of that I'm sure, but I sincerely believe that if we don't start trying to change things now then the end result will move further and further away. When you consider how long amazing and kind people such as Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa and so on have been trying to change things and how relatively stuck we all still are, you will realise that urgent action is required now to turn this into a world that we want our children to live in.<br />
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I wish I could offer a solution but I can't. I can only suggest two things:<br />
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<li>That we bring kindness to the forefront of our minds and do our utmost to be kind as often as we can. </li>
<li>That we do our utmost to lose the fear of being wrong.</li>
</ul>
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We won't succeed because we're the forerunners of the New World Age, the Age of Aquarius, the Age of the Higher Mind, but as forerunners we can get started and try to make this world a better place for future generations. <br />
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How many more people have to die in wars or have their feelings shattered for life before we realise that we don't need to be right we only need to be fearlessly kind?<br />
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<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-61325024044801809372013-12-30T08:41:00.001-08:002013-12-30T08:41:34.065-08:00Escape from Unhappiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's that time of year again when thoughts turn to new year's resolutions and people begin to wonder what they want to happen next year. What do they want to change? How do they want that to happen? How quickly will they forget that they made a resolution and when will it dawn on them that another year has passed and nothing much has changed? Probably about the same time you're realising that once again you've almost left it too late to post the Christmas cards. <br />
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I'm not a believer in new year resolutions, or indeed any resolution. I am a believer in total, permanent change beginning from within. <br />
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For me a lot of things such as giving up smoking, losing weight, cutting down on alcohol, not buying things you don't need, etc., are symptomatic of an unsettled inner world. If you started smoking as a dare who were you trying to please? If you were rebelling why was that, and why are you still rebelling? Do you drink to dull the pain of the day or life? Do you shop to fill gaps in your life and clothes and stuff give you a temporary respite from the grinding reality of your every day life? If you're in the wrong job or career, what were the decisions that got you to this uncomfortable point in your life, and are you in fact making better decisions nowadays?<br />
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These are the sort of questions I ask and why I prefer to begin the process of change a step beneath the surface of everyday life, in the truth. Everyone has a truth and many people are aware that the real them doesn't see daylight. <br />
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Do you find yourself playing imaginary conversations in your head where you answer back, or make that killer point in the argument rather than standing their dumbstruck and agreeing with everything you disagree with? Do you find yourself looking at the people in your life thinking "if only you knew the real me?" but never standing up and introducing them to that person? Do you sit at work knowing that you were meant for better things than this, and then go out and job hunt for something exactly the same because it's part of your skill set?<br />
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The point is that if you really want to bring about meaningful change in your life that is real, permanent and effective you will need to find your inner truth and start living it and you can only do that by being it.<br />
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This means that you never again from this moment say yes when you mean no, agree with something you disagree with, or believe that the life you're living is the sum total of everything you're capable of. Expunge the word 'deserve' from your life and don't deal with it. There is no deserve (I sound like Yoda), there is only a life to be lived in the best way possible.<br />
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There is no rule that you have to be as unhappy as you can as often as possible, that good luck belongs to some people and not others, that success belongs to those born into money (try telling Richard Branson and Alan Sugar that!), or that fortune favours the brave. Fortune favours the truthful, the determined, and those who don't quit!<br />
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So yes, please protect your health by stopping smoking and eating well, get another job if that's really the answer rather than a continuation of the same rut, cut down on comfort shopping, do whatever it takes to make the surface calmer. But if you really want to live the life of your dreams then you must acknowledge what those dreams are and let the real you out into the daylight, and you can only do that be being fearlessly, determindly, truthfully yourself.<br />
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And never limit your power to daydream. Happy thoughts are the quickest way to bring about deep internal change for the better.<br />
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Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, and real change for the better<br />
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Deb Hawken<br />
Author of "Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?"<br />
Out Spring 2014, email me to put your name on the pre-order notification list deb@debhawken.com<br />
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<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-55041937765804618742013-12-06T10:35:00.002-08:002013-12-06T10:35:44.567-08:00The Existence of Negativity as Sometimes Misrepresented in Yin Versus Yang<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have one of those plasticised cards that describes Yin and Yang thus:<br />
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"The dualistic world of Yin/Yang is not seen as good versus bad. Yang, represented by the white represents the creative principle, While Yin, represented by black, represents dissolution and return (to creation). The forces are believed to be cyclical, moving and evolving into each other, represented by the white dot in black and the black dot in the white. Yin and Yang can transform into one another just as night turns into day, thus symbolising the transition of opposites. It is a Taoist symbol of the interplay of forces in the Universe."<br />
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Before we really get into it, some things, such as a death, are very hard to deal with and the how of it happening can be horrific as we all know. Although I could try to apply some logic here I'm not going to because death is something we just have to cope with as best we can and it defies all logic and common sense. All I can say is that if you're struggling at this time my heart goes out to you and I send you love and support to deal with it. I just wanted to make it <i>very </i>clear that I'm not going there and death isn't part of this conversation.<br />
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This description really surprised me because when I was first introduced to Yin/Yang I was told that Yin was female and negative and Yang was male and positive, a sexist description that this modern world of ours <i>really </i>needs. <br />
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The other misunderstanding around Yin and Yang is that it represents negative and positive, and of course the translation in western society of negative and positive is often 'right' and 'wrong'.<br />
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We are lovingly scolded in positive thinking books for negative thinking, something that must be expunged, we not-so-lovingly tell each other off for negative thinking which drags other people down and definitely gets in the way of cosmic ordering and all that is good. "Well what <i>do </i>they expect, they are <i>such </i>a negative thinker, it's not a wonder that <i>everything </i>goes wrong for them."<br />
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I wanted to look at negativity because we need to get it into perspective, especially in human thinking and relationships. Firstly, by thinking about what negativity actually is.<br />
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For a start it's a word that we have given meaning and that meaning has an element of 'attraction' about it. You will often hear people say that we attract the negative, that it's down to our attitude that negative things happen. It can sound and feel like a real blame game, which is of course a losers game.<br />
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If you apply the word to a magnet it means that there are two poles and one without the other would not work. However, that is not a <i>bad </i>thing, It just is. As the positive pole of the magnet just is. Neither good nor bad, just the way a magnet works. If you look at it in these terms positivity and negativity is a team situation that creates something useful. If, however, you apply it to life you need to be very careful - for the sake of your sanity and coping skills. <br />
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So, I want to get you thinking about deciding for yourself what the word negative means and where you will choose to apply it, because being in a negative situation can feel like a punishment, especially if you have a period when everything seems to go wrong at once and you're wondering what the heck you did to deserve all this and why the Universe has it in for you. This feeling can create such distress and unhappiness in you that you find it hard to see the good when it returns, as it normally does, and may accidentally trap yourself in a loop where you yourself create more unhappiness. Seeing the light when it returns is critical to healing.<br />
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Do you feel that when a person is unkind to you that this is negative and you have attracted it? Or would it be better to think of this in terms of extremely bad behaviour by a person who is not choosing to handle things in the best possible way with as much courtesy as possible? We all have a choice how we handle difficult situations and if someone chooses to come to you in a way that is rude and disrespectful that is a choice.<br />
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Is a car accident a force of negativity, or is it a moment's inattention or misjudging of speed, distance or width, that everyone could have done without? Or maybe an angry and aggressive person in charge of a car?<br />
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Is having horrible people in your life such as bosses, people who call themselves friends, and a proportion of social networking engagees a negative situation or a simple case of you staying put when things are not working? The same goes for a job/career that you dislike. Have you stumbled into negativity or inactivity?<br />
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I could go on, but just get into the habit of when something happens defining for yourself whether it is this ephemeral creation of the human psyche called negativity or whether it is a life event that can be dealt with.<br />
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Why?<br />
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Partly because I am questioning the idea that certain forms of what are known as negativity (unkindness, violence, war, aggression, gossip, spite, etcetera) <i> have </i>to exist. Do they really? <i>Is there a</i> rule that says there must be negativity? Is it true that we cannot appreciate the good without the bad, happiness without unhappiness and so on? I can tell you beyond a shadow of doubt that I would have had no trouble appreciating happiness, abundance and joy if negativity did not exist. Okay, I might not have <i>known </i>that I was happy but most certainly I would have <i>been </i>happy.<br />
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AND because your attitude is everything and the more positive your attitude the better your life will be, therefore the less you think about negativity and the more you think about solving difficulties the less negativity there will be in your psyche and therefore your life. Rudeness will be rudeness, that's one negative gone, accidents will be accidents, there goes another, and so on.<br />
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If we wish to evolve as a race and bring about peace, harmony and abundance for all, the belief that there has to be bad in the world needs to diminish so that in turn we diminish the bad.<br />
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Let's Yin that negativity!<br />
<br />
Deb<br />
<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-73740848412184936412013-12-05T12:28:00.001-08:002013-12-05T12:28:46.103-08:00How Long Has it Been?It's a long, long time since I visited this blog and added anything to it, but that's for good reason, I am actually writing my book and I have a publisher interested in it.<br />
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Although it isn't great that I haven't blogged, what has been fantastic is that this is clearly the right time for the book, the structure is there, the words are there, and the love of writing is there.<br />
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I wanted to share this because for many years I've pushed myself to do things that I believe I should do, worrying why I don't, pondering whether the time is right, freaking out and wondering whether the time would EVER be right, and feeling a complete failure. Yet when the time <i>was </i>right I was right there raring and ready to go!<br />
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I wanted to share this because I know that a lot of people have a dream yet find ways to avoid achieving that dream, and then worry themselves silly that they will procrastinate forever and never achieve anything. <br />
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I want to say to you if you are one of these people, stop worrying now! The only thing you need to be scared of is if you let go of the dream, as long as you think about it, visualise it and believe in it, that dream will come in and you will achieve whatever it is you're dreaming of.<br />
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All you really need to ask yourself is - do I <i>really</i> want it? As long as the answer is a resounding, doubtless, YES then you have nothing to worry about and just need to keep working towards manifesting the dream with plenty of happy daydreaming and regular visualisation.<br />
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One thing with this book was I never gave up on the dream and the dream never gave up on me, and if something is meant to happen then the dream will be a part of your very existence and you will do whatever it is when the time is right, the people to help are there, and the ducks are all in a row (and facing the same direction).<br />
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Dream on (and don't quit)<br />
<br />
Deb Hawken<br />
Doing after all the dreaming!<br />
And author of "Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?"<br />
Email deb@debhawken.com to pre order the book, out Spring 2014Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-91508816625337813222013-08-16T07:59:00.002-07:002013-08-16T08:08:21.434-07:00Think of Yourself as a Car (Spirituality and Everyday Life Can Mix!)<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Think of yourself as a car. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You have wheels to move, doors you can close to keep you warm and safe. Gears you can change to get you up even the steepest hill. A steering wheel to guide you and breaks to slow you down and stop you. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You have an on board satnav, or satnag if you don't listen to it, and you can programme a direction into the satnav or you can drive aimlessly, constantly getting lost and disoriented and never finding your desired destination. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You have a fantastic engine and are a masterpiece of engineering, which if kept happy and relaxed can run for decades and travel all over the world having fun. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You have a large boot/trunk behind you where you can either store holiday gear or a load of rubbish that ought to be taken to a dump and disposed of. It will slow you down and make even the smallest hills difficult if you don't. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You can use windscreen wipers when the weather is bad and maintain a clear direction no matter what. Or you can let the windows get dirty and drive blindly hoping not to hit anything, drive off the road or miss your dreams completely. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You can be a sports car, a four wheeled drive that goes over rocks and up inclines and barely notices, a nippy little city car, or a rusting old heap that its driver doesn't care about. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You can be all shiny and polished or dull, dusty and rusty You can run like a dream, or you can jerk along firing on only three cylinders, loaded up with cheap fuel unsuitable for your needs. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You have windows to look out of that can be clear and shiny, or dusty and muddy if you don't keep them clean. Except for a couple of blind spots, they give you all round vision. But you need to remember that you only look backwards when you reverse into a nice space somewhere you want yo</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Park for a while. You only look sideways if you want to see life passing you by. Using the windscreen and looking forward is the only way to get to the great places life has to offer. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">So what can cause problems in the running of this car called you?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Listening to back seat drivers, letting your partner in the front seat play with the controls, or letting loads of other people drive your car when they don't care about it the way you do. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Think of yourself as your absolutely favourite shiny, expensive, desired and admired car in the perfect colour. Add in a few extras such as a 6th gear, four wheeled drive, a small boot/trunk where you can only keep good stuff, off road tyres, sports tyres, all weather tyres, and air conditioning. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Change up and down gears according to the needs of the car. Know when to brake and when to accelerate, and be in cruise control as often as you can. Change your tyres according to the conditions. Programme your satnav yourself. Have the driving seat coded only to you. Never give anyone you don't trust absolutely the key to your car. Only use the best quality fuel. And put on the aircon as soon as things warm up. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Point forwards, be observant, choose your first destination, and start moving towards it. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Deb Hawken</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Sleek, sporty, well equipped, much loved, four wheel drive enabled, key well protected. Windows clean, aircon on, music blasting out of the speakers. No interfering passengers. And we're off.</span>Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-87331845195911233422013-08-12T05:50:00.001-07:002013-08-12T05:50:06.264-07:00Spirituality for All?Writers are about words, blogs are about words, and life is about words. As we know "The pen is mightier than the sword" (Edward Bulwer-Lytton) because words create more wounds in life than weapons ever have, despite the millions who have died at the wrong end of various weapons in various wars.<br />
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Wars that happen because never are words more damaging than when they're used to create a cause, add rules to it, and then exclude those who don't conform. In reality the world is full of one race - humanity - with different skin colours as our own inbuilt sun protection factor, with no religion and no real borders other than the sea (and we can use boats, bridges and planes to get across that). Everything that we are in this day and age, prejudices, beliefs, religions, has been added on top of the family of humanity by men using words in order to create power bases.<br />
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Nowadays many people have stepped outside the structure of religion and either think very little about Spirituality or try to find their own with varying levels of success. All helped, or not depending on your viewpoint, by a Spiritual field with very little structure that does have rules which change depending on who you're talking to, because those rules have never been written down and are not formal. <br />
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Yes, there are organisations who have created a structure and have formalised their Spiritual beliefs into something specific, and the ones I can find seem to be mainly based around the idea of the existence of the Spirit World. But is that what Spirituality actually is?<br />
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I don't know. Oh...sorry...were you expecting a definitive answer? <br />
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You might find it odd that I'm not prepared to tell you exactly what I believe in, why I'm right. You might be wondering what the point of this blog is?<br />
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I believe one thing, that this world should have no barriers and no walls, no specified territories, no excluding religions beliefs, and no prejudices. But it does. Even to this day, in this apparently enlightened day-and-age, people still seem to need to don a uniform of some description, ascribe to a belief, and then declare that's who they are. Not all people, but the need to belong is still out there.<br />
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Because if my beliefs I don't want to describe myself as anything other than a member of the human race. To me this means that everyone is my sibling, everyone is a part of me, and everyone matters.<br />
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I'm well aware that there are people in this world that make you wonder how on earth such evil was ever created and why, and I'm no blinkered do-gooder that can't see that. However, it doesn't alter the fact that I do not believe that there is any difference between me and any, shall we say normal (as in those with no criminal intentions) person anywhere. <br />
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As such I've chosen a word that I do my utmost to use to guide my life, and that is kindness. Yes I would say that I have Spiritual beliefs, yes I do believe that there is a Spirit World and that's where our loved ones, friends and pets 'retire' to wait for us in a better place. Yes I do believe in a Source energy that some would call God, and why not. It's a good word.<br />
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What I don't believe is in drawing a line around myself that creates a difference between me and anyone I meet. When I meet new people I try to find out who they are. Can we blend? Can we enjoy being together? Is there honesty in the relationship. I don't ask for perfection because I've been looking for 56 years and haven't found it yet - including in the mirror (smile).<br />
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I just try to find out if I can be kind to them, they can be kind to me, and we can be there for each other.<br />
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So, the message is, that if you're a person seeking a point to your life and you're becoming confused by all the options you're offered to belong to, and all the rules within the options: such as money and success being bad things and you're not allowed to enjoy your work without being 'unspiritual' even though your company employs many people and allows them to survive in a world that runs on money. Stop looking outside yourself and start looking within.<br />
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Look at when you feel happy and when you don't. Look at how you want to feel, and how you want others to feel around you. Those sorts of things. And anything you attempt to join that doesn't feel right, leave without a backward glance or a smidgen of guilt.<br />
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Kindness is a difficult emotion because people feel that others think it equals weakness, but nothing could be further from the truth (more on that on the next blog). If you remember that kindness must be exhibited towards yourself as well as others, you will become a person that people just enjoy being around, and when that happens you will be able to form links within the family of human-kind wherever you are.<br />
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Your kindness will seek out injustice and encourage you to do something about things that you feel are wrong, and you will have all the reason for being here that you could ever wish.<br />
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In other words, don't necessarily look for an organisation to create a sense of belonging in you or purpose for your life, look into your heart and at what needs doing.<br />
<br />
Deb Hawken<br />
07912 374226, deb@debhawken.com, www.debhawken.com<br />
Join my website today to receive my newsletter and information on FREE resources for members<br />
<br />
<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-83251313483672848592013-08-10T11:59:00.001-07:002013-08-10T11:59:31.258-07:00Deb Hawken's Musings: The Meaning of Life<a href="http://debhawkenauthor.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-meaning-of-life.html?spref=bl">Deb Hawken's Musings: The Meaning of Life</a>: The Meaning of Life There comes a time in most lives that the meaning of your existence suddenly becomes an issue. Why you jog along f...Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-45685744773658875352013-08-10T11:50:00.000-07:002013-08-10T11:57:12.072-07:00The Meaning of Life<h2>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Meaning of Life</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There comes a time in most lives that the meaning of your existence suddenly becomes an issue. Why you jog along for umpteen years not giving a second thought to why you're here, if you came here for a reason and what that reason might be I do not know. I just know that the questions "there must be more to life than this?" and/or "what am I supposed to do with this life?" have reared their heads in the lives of a lot of the people I have met and worked with.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">There Must be More to Life Than This!</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The answer to this conundrum could be said to depend on whether or not you believe in the existence of the life hereafter, but I don't think that belief is actually important.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you've come to the point that getting up, going to work, having a few breaks, coming home, eating, watching TV and then sleeping isn't enough, you don't have to change your beliefs in order to find something more.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyone can find something to do with their life if they will. You could change your career to something you feel is more worthwhile; you could take your role into a company that does something or provide something that helps people, animals or the planet. You could take up volunteering in the evenings or at weekends; you could support a charity; you could get into local government. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anything that matters to you can be added to your life without having to decide whether or not you believe there is a Spirit World.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Making a Decision</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Even if you do believe that we are Spiritual beings originating from and/or returning to a Spirit World you will still need to make a decision as to how you are going to make your life worthwhile and meaningful for you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A lot of people believe that they came here with a purpose and somehow, magically, they will be shown what they need to know, and you will, but if you're not out there actively looking and trying things you may very well miss the message.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is true that the Spirit World has given me clear directions no less than half a dozen times whilst I was sitting in my living room, however, that certainly isn't true of everyone I meet and I still need to go out there and make the changes they suggested happen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm also told by my Guide that ultimately it is <i>our </i>life not theirs and if we change our minds and pick a different direction we will not be struck by lightening providing we're doing some good for someone or something somewhere. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So if you do struggle to intuit your higher purpose remember that the only person you have to be able to face in a mirror is you! The Spirit World won't rain down hell and damnation because you became a healer and helped a thousand people instead of becoming a Medium and helping a thousand and fifty. The only person who will do that is you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Just Do Something!</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If you find it hard to get guidance from the Spirit World, or don't believe that guidance exists, just go outside your house and <i>do something</i>, anything. Meet new people, find new interests, think about the things you see on the news that you would like to do something about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Once you begin investigating the possibilities you will find the thing that calls to your heart and you can guarantee that will be the right thing for you to do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Measure Your Happiness</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">That's all you need to do. Everything we attempt will have a degree of frustration or stress at times, but if essentially you are very happy with what you're doing and there are no quiet niggles at the back of your mind that something isn't right, you are doing fine and you don't need to change a thing. Until your mind starts telling you that you need to tweak your course a little!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Live With or Without Meaning</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's entirely up to you, but in my experience if you want meaning then your life will only have meaning if you give it meaning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">P.S.</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you're entirely comfortable in your life don't worry about any of this, there are no rules that every human being has to do something with their life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There is no rule that says being the parent of offspring isn't a fantastic thing to do and equals a life well lived. You may have just raised the person who is going to cure cancer or create a lasting world peace. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So if you feel OK then everything is OK, and it isn't anyone else's job to judge you and your life, only you need to feel completely at peace with who you are and what you do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If The 'Voice' Speaks You Will Know</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You will, I promise, and if it does speak - listen. No one needs to be bored or feel useless or pointless as long as they have the courage to take a leap of faith, explore a little, meet a few new people, and get their head out of whatever box it's been packaged in during their upbringing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You have everything within you to do whatever you need to do, so if you feel you want to do more the world is your oyster!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">42</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All "Hitch Hikers" will understand that the computer decided that the meaning of life is 42 in the wonderful series "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy", but I don't think the computer knew what it was doing <smile>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, and a life purpose if you need one.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Deb</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Please follow this blog if you enjoy my writing, I welcome your company on this journey</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">www.debhawken.com; email deb@debhawken.com; </span></div>
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Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-50132485421527852602013-04-10T07:34:00.000-07:002013-04-10T07:34:16.721-07:00RIP Baroness Thatcher<br />
I was going to put this on my Campaign for Kindness page as a post, but it kind of grew and grew so I turned it into a blog.<br />
<br />
So...<br />
<br />
As this is a page about kindness it would seem reasonable to try to examine the events surrounding the death of Baroness Thatcher and see what can be learnt.<br />
<br />
Like many I was extremely upset to see some of the truly vile and unkind comments about her passing, comments that paid no heed to her children and grandchildren and those who knew the woman rather than the Prime Minister.<br />
<br />
However, let's use kindness to review this situation.<br />
<br />
Firstly, David Rowan the Astrologer helped me to see that people were expressing a long buried anger created by a lot of hurt. That helped me to understand their viewpoint better even if I couldn't personally condone the unkindness. Let's face it, I run this page so it would be pretty two-faced if I could.<br />
<br />
Secondly, there was a lot of talk about what she did to whom, with only a little talk about the entire situation and her whole legacy. What we can learn from this is that kindness asks us to be as informed as possible and take the whole situation into consideration. The whole is the sum of the parts but the parts alone can never be a whole no matter how much we would wish it otherwise.<br />
<br />
What is clear that what happens to 'me' in our society still has prevalence over the whole. We still need to be a bit more Star Trek "the good of the many outweighs the good of the few or the one." <br />
<br />
Then think about cause and effect, Baroness Thatcher was responding at the beginning not to a situation of her making but to a situation that was nonetheless in existence. We often forget that when we take an action there will be a reaction, and to paraphrase Sir Isaac Newton "an equal and opposite reaction." So the message here is that we need to be aware of what we're doing and that we might not get the result we desire. You cannot set an angry or hurtful action in process and think that you can control the outcome, you can't. I think Mrs T. wouldn't be that surprised about recent events because she knew that she often took hard and unpopular decisions and stood by that.<br />
<br />
Then there's the whole "People in glass houses" scenario. What she did she did on the world stage, what the not-so-famous do is normally done behind closed doors so they get away with it. Whenever we are critical of others we need to ask what have we done that caused hurt? You might say that there are levels of hurt and she took the biscuit, but would the people you have hurt agree with that? <br />
<br />
Then there are the people trying to defend her, of which I was one. An action created for the best of reasons borne out of the shock of seeing so much hatred. I think we used a lot of energy and achieved very little. I doubt that we changed one single mind. My lesson from this has been that I will ensure that I put my positive energy somewhere that it will be welcomed, and the rest I will try to achieve by example and gentle teaching. (Mind you, I learn a lot about people and my work from these situations so I have to look at them, I will use my reaction differently next time.)<br />
<br />
What about being British? We used to be a stiff-upper-lip kind of race respected for our low key approach. We saw that crack upon the death of Diana and I think that a lot of us are examining at the moment whether we should wear our hearts on our social networking sleeves quite so much. For me I feel that emotional restraint is key to helping the people around you to be more comfortable and allowing them to BE. Sharing of opinions is all very well, but it's how you share rather than whether you share that indicates who you are, and how kind you are. <br />
<br />
For Spiritual people we might at times feel 'right' when others are perceived as being in a complete mess, but I would beg us all to remember that some people literally do not know what they do not know. Spirituality and Spiritual living is so natural to us we forget that there are people for whom cosmic order, karma, moving forwards, letting go of anger and hurt, etc., are not discussed. I came from a family who had no clue about anything I've learnt on this path and we must, must, must remember that.<br />
<br />
However, and even more MUST, we must get out there and share more. I have been saying in Spiritual churches for a long time that the messages we receive aren't just for us, we need to share them more with others. Going every week for the healing of these lovely services is one thing, but sharing a little here and a little there whenever you can respectfully and appropriately do so is critical to other people beginning to know that there is something they don't know. They won't pick up the life learning messages as we do if they haven't heard the voice.<br />
<br />
Then building on the past. Yes mistakes were made but a lot of good was also done. Certainly there has been some learning but not enough, so maybe this explosion of past hurt will be helpful in making our current crop of MPs think more carefully about what they're doing. Good could come from this yet.<br />
<br />
A human being, because that's what she was. She did her best, we may not have agreed with that best but it would have been the best she had - think about it, the whole world was watching her!<br />
<br />
She was a person of her times, affected by events, by her past, changed from an innocent by her upbringing and life experience. And like everyone else you will ever meet she wasn't all bad and she wasn't all to blame. Your children could one day scream at you about how you ruined their lives, just be grateful that won't happen on the world stage and it will only be a couple of children not a million disaffected voters. What we've learnt from this situation is that people will still believe that they are 'right' and someone else is 'wrong' but that's rarely the case. If you have the courage, and the kindness, always look at yourself and try to be honest about how you got involved in the first place.<br />
<br />
Holding on to anger and bitterness is like taking poison and waiting for someone else to die, some people did that and it happened, but what have the years of being so angry done to and for them. There are young people swearing and cursing about her, clearly furiously angry, and they weren't even alive when she came to power. They have learnt the hurt and anger, which means that they have carried a hurt and anger that had nothing to do with them. Yes, job losses will have affected their quality of life significantly, but our beliefs say that it is up to adults to always mitigate the hurt for young people and teach them to battle against their challenges and win rather than battle a past that cannot be successfully fought. That's what parents do, heal hurt and build strength and determination. Perhaps we can learn that too.<br />
<br />
I could go on because I think the learning opportunities from this situation are huge, but I will sum it up now.<br />
<br />
1. No I don't think I've converted anyone to a path of less anger with this, and I wasn't trying to do so. <br />
<br />
2. It's become very obvious that there is a lack of respect for the viewpoints of others and that some people do not mind being cruel and don't care if they cause a great deal of hurt as long as they can speak their mind. A wise person will allow them to do so and turn away, but they will not give up the quest for kindness and they will demonstrate that through happiness and success, and most importantly sharing a gentle truth whenever requested to do so. <br />
<br />
3. We can only lead by example, but we must ensure that we are an example and not fooling ourselves that we're doing better than we are. We can only truly share happiness and make it attractive if we are attractively happy.<br />
<br />
4. Where you can help with anger, do so. If someone will listen share your ideas for releasing anger with them. Do whatever you can to encourage them onto the path of kindness, respectfully.<br />
<br />
5. Kindness cannot be beaten by any of this. It will always exist, and one day I sincerely believe that kindness will be victorious.<br />
<br />
6. Think today of all the people who have lost a loved one recently, not just Baroness Thatcher's family. <br />
<br />
Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights<br />
<br />
Deb<br />
Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-31293010489654674222013-03-24T12:23:00.002-07:002013-03-24T12:23:32.885-07:00I Feel Betrayed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5ony7ZbmZ50/UU9GjtK-_EI/AAAAAAAAAK0/YEZp8g-baXY/s1600/Backward+looking+oval+www.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5ony7ZbmZ50/UU9GjtK-_EI/AAAAAAAAAK0/YEZp8g-baXY/s200/Backward+looking+oval+www.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's a horrible feeling when you trust people and they let you down, you hover somewhere between anger and despair, and wondering what on earth you did to deserve this kind of treatment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You play a variety of sound tracks in your mind where you tell them exactly what you think of them, but may find it hard to voice your feelings especially if you're angry and don't feel able to express that anger in a positive way that doesn't make things a million times worse. Especially if your protagonist uses temper as a shut-you-up device.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Or you may be dealing with someone who traditionally pays lip-service to everything you say and then carries on doing exactly as they've always done and you're not supposed to notice. This leaves you hovering, again, between anger and complete disbelief that either they think you're so stupid you haven't noticed or they so completely disrespect you that they don't care whether you've noticed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I hate these situations myself because I too find it difficult to react to behaviour that I don't understand that leaves me questioning myself, but I've learnt to trust myself and to know whether I have in some way contributed towards this or it's mainly all about them and their world view.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I also have considerable problems with hurting another person even if I don't like their behaviour, mainly because I don't expect anyone to conform to my world-view or always meet only my needs. This is especially true when you consider the difference between </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what you think is happening and the way someone else views the same thing, which can be even more different than chalk and cheese.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We've all been there and we've all had successes and failures. Successful communication is, of course, no problem, but what about the times when a) you fail and b) you're left facing a person who really doesn't care for you or respect you sufficiently to stop hurting you? Painful times.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Obviously you should walk away, but when that person is family or a colleague then even if you can minimise your time with them you may still find being in the same room as them almost unbearable and feel as if they're laughing at you all the time. Not a pleasant feeling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Self confidence is a difficult thing to achieve, but if you can get to the point that you like and respect yourself then the first thing you will notice is that the respect of others isn't so critical to you. Yes of course you would prefer to be respected and liked, but if you can't achieve that happy situation then it won't wobble your view of yourself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you find that someone doesn't treat you well the first question you should ask yourself is "how do I view them?" Do you respect them? Do you like them? Is their behaviour always kind and acceptable towards others as well as towards you? Are they good communicators willing to discuss and listen, or are they always right and everyone else in the world is an idiot who's missed the point? You get my drift.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Because before you worry about someones attitude towards you, you need to work out your attitude towards them. If you can base this not just on the treatment they dish out to you but the way they treat others as well you may identify that this is about who they are and not just who you are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">'Me' means that you are certain you didn't start or ask for this situation, 'not me' is when you review the other persons' behaviour and conclude that it's something to do with them and how they're feeling and not about you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is something that many parents don't teach, probably because they weren't taught it themselves. That you are allowed to assess behaviour towards you <i>before </i>you come to the conclusion that you are wrong. In fact it's critical that you do this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We are all wrong at times, sometimes completely so and other times it's easy to see where two different ways of thinking, world views, or emotional situations have unwittingly collided and created a mess. The decent and honourable person will always be able to reflect on their role in a situation and discuss it with the other people involved. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">However, if it isn't all about you then you should expect a joint apology scenario. If you always land up admitting your part in it only to be met with "well I hope <i>you've </i>learnt your lesson this time" or some such slap in the face, there is definitely something awry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So the moral of the story is, you've tried to communicate, you've acknowledge and apologised when you are wrong and still you cannot repair this relationship. So you will take the next step then and look at this person's treatment of <i>everyone</i> around them, not just you. If you can conclude that they don't treat anyone very well and their treatment of you is in line with or similar to the way they treat others, then you are safe to decide that this person does not get to judge you and find you wanting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you must remain in the same setting as them then simply be quiet around them, engage in conversation as little as possible, and remember that only people you respect are allowed to rattle you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If they are a boss or a colleague don't get drawn into their games, speak your piece quietly and firmly and stop speaking when you've said what you need to say. If necessary job hunt and leave. This isn't a defeat, there is no commonsense in staying somewhere you are unhappy and in a situation you are unable to repair.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If they are family then you may have to see them, but "does anyone want a drink, I'm making them?" is a very good way to leave a room. It is especially effective if you allow someone to be unkind, don't reply to them, let a little silence develop and then duck out to the toilet or to make that drink. It leaves their behaviour as the last thing that happens in the room and you haven't even had to say a word.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Think about these things, be aware that you are <i>not </i>always wrong, that you <i>must </i>take a considered viewpoint of the behaviour of others before you apportion blame to yourself, and that you are allowed to feel that you don't respect or like someones behaviour. It is OK. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We can't get on with everyone all the time, and there are some people you can't get on with ever, but a realist knows that they will not base their personal opinion of themselves on the viewpoint of someone they do not like or respect. And you are allowed to feel that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, and buckets of self-realism.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Deb</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.debhawken.com/">www.debhawken.com</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-49300645247022868472013-03-21T11:10:00.002-07:002013-03-21T11:10:13.063-07:00Nothing To Do With Me<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
How often have you been in difficult situations in life
leading to conflict with others and felt completely baffled as to what is going
on? People have turned on you for
seemingly no reason talking to others about you behind your back, or you’ve
taken a new job and the boss or your colleagues aren’t welcoming towards you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You’ve probably felt like a victim, wondering why you, why
these people are turning on you when all you’ve ever tried to do is make
friends and have a happy time. Or very,
very angry and unfairly treated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sadly the victim mentality actually hinders your ability to
sort things out. All the time your mind
is occupied with “It’s so unfair” it isn’t occupied with listening, watching
and sifting information in order to get to the bottom of things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The angry mentality won’t serve you either because the moment
a person feels attacked they will attack back or you can spend hours in a
tit-for-tat situation trading insults and accusations. Which usually only leads to loss of mutual
respect, possibly tears, and a bad throat from all the yelling. Not to mention stress levels that would
register on the earthquake monitoring system.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hardest thing is to recognise your part in what is
happening, and the even harder thing to do is to do so without blaming
yourself, your past, your parents, and anyone else who might have at some point
been in your life. Working with fault
and blame is a waste of time and energy that does nothing to resolve
situations.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what can you do?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I first put my feet on the Spiritual path I did not do
so as the Psychic Medium, writer and inspirational speaker I am now. Instead I joined at the dawning of Spiritual
enlightenment stage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was close to coming apart because I was living a life so
horrendously unsuited to me that I didn’t know where to turn in order to escape
it. Enter my friend and mentor Keith
Macfarlane who listened to all my angst and then quietly informed me that a) I
was drawing these lessons to me and b) I didn’t need to think the way I did.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I liked the thinking differently part but I have to say that
I was a bit miffed by the whole “drawing these lessons to you” part. I didn’t want to think that I had any hand in
this whatsoever. I wanted to believe
that it was all about the people around me and I was the innocent caught in the
spiders’ web of deviousness, lies and unkindness that was my world.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That wasn’t the case of course. The unpleasantness surrounding me was there
for one good reason – I was living a lie.
In order to prevent me living that lie my Guides, helpers and friends in
the Spirit World were putting the message to me through the people I knew to
show me that I needed to move on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I moved on from my job, my marriage, my home, my in-laws,
most of my friends, and eventually my family.
The only lasting thing I took with me was my 2 cats and some good
memories. It caused a lot of angst but
it was well worth it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The knowledge I’ve gained in the last 30 years, combined
with the experiences I have working with others will fill several books, but to
précis it for the purposes of a short article – I discovered that I needed to
take responsibility for my own life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I found that I needed to learn to think not about guilt and
blame or anger and hurt. Instead I
needed to understand what I was seeing in these situations, what they were
teaching me, and how they were showing me where to move on with my life and
bring it to a healthier, happier place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also discovered that situations, both difficult and
pleasant, teach you things about yourself and show you where you need to change
in order to feel better in your own mind and more confident about who you are
as a person.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have met many people through the years who have found this
too difficult to do because they won’t let go of the idea of guilt, blame and
bad people doing bad things to innocent victims and instead look for the
Spiritual and Universal message.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all have times when we aren’t the sort of person we want
to be, when we behave in ways that we otherwise wouldn’t. These times are triggered by anger, lack of
self-confidence, hurt, pain and all the other ugly things that sneak into
everyone’s life from time-to-time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Simple human situations are not the result of bad people,
they’re just messages about personal character traits, people and situations
that are no longer relevant to you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Life is a journey and there is a point to many of the
difficult things that happen, and that point is to release negative emotions. You do that by releasing negative situations. When you show the universe that you no longer
need the rubbish in your life it will stop sending it, but you need to undo the
damage within you that makes you keep coming back for more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may think that you don’t come back for more, but let me
ask you one question. If the same or
similar situations keep occurring who is the person entering and then staying
in these situations? It’s you. Therefore you haven’t healed the damage in
you so that you can say “I deserve better than this” and that means it’s you
choosing the situations. Those who don’t
choose them identify, observe, and walk away!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This world of ours is the perfect place to learn to deal
with what I feel are the physical emotions – in other words not the serenity
and love of the higher mind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jtGNaQWaoY0/UUtM70wCSyI/AAAAAAAAAKk/Sic0IC_G3ow/s1600/For+DHdotComwww.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jtGNaQWaoY0/UUtM70wCSyI/AAAAAAAAAKk/Sic0IC_G3ow/s200/For+DHdotComwww.jpg" width="175" /></a>It is in this world that we get into a muddle, and it is to
this world that we return to rectify matters.
We may have been unkind to someone in a past life where we knew no
better or were victims of a socio-political situation bigger than
ourselves. We may have manifested in
those lives behaviour that we cannot begin to comprehend now, and we may have
decided to come back and right those wrongs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In doing so we learn to deal with the emotions, releasing
the negative ones yet keeping as part of ourselves the learning, wisdom and
greater ability to love that can be the positive result of all the difficult
times.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We certainly can’t work those things out in the Spirit
World, because that would make it as messy and emotionally confused as it is here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So if you find yourself experiencing difficult times, calm
down, watch and listen to what is happening.
Keep a diary and look for repeat patterns.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If this is a one-off situation that you have never
experienced before then avoid the trap of believing that <i>everything</i> that happens in the world is about you and realise that
this might be to do with the other person.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also understand that you may not know exactly what they’re
going through in life. Particularly at
work most people present a surface image created for a foreign environment
they’re forced into in order to eat and have somewhere to live. So try not to judge the person or assign
blame. Just conclude that this is an
abnormal situation for you, diary it and let it go.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If however you find that there is a recurring pattern then
understand that it is a life lesson for you, and use your diary to help you
identify the lesson both external – who and what you keep in your world, and
internal – the negative emotions you need to eradicate in order to be serene in
your own mind and life, and more importantly to like yourself and draw positive
people towards you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Believe me, from my own experience I know that this is a
worthwhile and healing way to live.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-5223715269192683182012-11-16T09:55:00.000-08:002012-11-16T09:55:04.608-08:00Trust 3 - An Inviolable Sense of SelfI changed my mind about what to do next due to a very good comment on the Facebook thread I mentioned in Trust 1. It reminded me of an often neglected area of trust - an inviolable sense of self.<br />
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It's very very hard to hold on to your sense of self in this life. Unless you're extremely lucky to have been raised by supportive parents, have always had 100% genuine friends, and have met only positive, supportive, people.<br />
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Let's say that you haven't had this luck. Let's say that you've had a normal life path and stumbled through a number of painful relationship realities that have broken your trust and made you feel that you can't trust anyone ever again.<br />
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An affair might have convinced you that you're middle aged, fat and frumpy, or not good in bed. A friend may have betrayed you, a colleague may have stabbed you in the back in order to get the promotion you were both up for, a boy/girlfriend might have left you after telling you that it's all your fault. In fact your life path might be one of betrayal after betrayal and who can blame you for losing trust in...well...trust. Certainly not me. <br />
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Your problem is your sense of self. You have allowed the actions of others to wobble your belief in who you are.<br />
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This DOES NOT mean that it's your fault, far from it. What it does mean is that you were never taught to look at yourself and decide who you are and how you feel about it. You were never taught to look at your strengths and appreciate them, because of course that's big-headed and arrogant isn't it.<br />
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I'm going to give you an exercise that someone gave me when I first put my feet on the Spiritual path and believe me I sympathise, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. <br />
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<b>I want you to make a list of everything good about yourself</b></div>
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Yes you CAN do this and yes there ARE good things about you. You must do this because you've got to become realistic about who you are. I'll guarantee that you know your faults but I want you to become acquainted with your strengths and good points.</div>
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I want you to do this so that you start to focus on why you <i>deserve </i>decent treatment. More importantly why you have the <i>right </i>to decent treatment.</div>
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Then I want you to think about some of the bad treatment you've received in the past, go back over it in your mind and ask yourself this important question:</div>
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<b>What do I think of the person who treated me that way?</b></div>
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Do you like those people? Do you admire their behaviour? Realistically you will have been involved in the situation but do you admire the way you were treated? Would you like to treat anyone that way?</div>
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I'm asking these questions so that you get into your true emotional understanding that these people who hurt you were not nice people, or they were nice people who did not behave well under the circumstances.</div>
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Realism is the most important factor in learning to trust again. My first marriage broke up in a wave of anguish that is still a tiny bit unbelievable to me 20 years later. I won't go into it but I was betrayed not by my ex husband but but everyone else around me. I held a party for 50 people in the December, I could have invited 100 but we didn't have room. By July of the following year I knew 5 of those people. </div>
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I was involved of course, but I am 100% comfortable in my own mind that I did not deserve the treatment I received. That is because I trust who I am and I trust my ability to judge situations fairly. I'm not perfect, I'm not always right, I don't always know what to do or how to do it, I make mistakes, but at the end of the day I do trust me completely.</div>
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<b>And that's what makes me confident enough to trust again, and again, and again.</b></div>
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Connect that idea in your mind to the concept that everyone is human, and you will see why you need to:</div>
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<b>Heal the past in your mind.</b></div>
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<b>Understand your part in situations, but that you were only a part of it.</b></div>
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<b>Think clearly about whether you respect the other people involved...</b></div>
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<b>Or feel that their behaviour was unacceptable.</b></div>
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<b>Be real about who you are and that you are NOT always wrong or to blame.</b></div>
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<b>Get to know yourself.</b></div>
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<b>Learn to respect yourself.</b></div>
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<b>And never EVER let anyone affect your self respect again.</b></div>
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That way trusting people will never again be frightening.</div>
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I'm not saying what's coming next this time because I think I've just changed my mind anyway.</div>
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Deb :-)</div>
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<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-42698051986576492312012-11-16T07:55:00.001-08:002012-11-16T07:55:49.459-08:00Trust 2 - Emotions and CommuniationHaving tried to identify what trust is and who it is we're trying to trust 100% of the time for all reasons, no matter what (human beings). Let's look at the tricky little number that trust affects and that is our emotions.<br />
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You've got them and you know that they're difficult things to deal with. Sometimes you know exactly what you feel about everything and at other times you haven't got a clue what you want or need. <br />
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You also know that sometimes you feel that other people <i>should </i>understand what you're going through and yet one of two truths are in play:<br />
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<b>You don't know what you feel.</b></div>
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<b>You haven't told the people around you how you feel.</b></div>
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<b>You haven't told them what you need.</b></div>
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<b>You don't know what you need.</b></div>
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The problem is it is very difficult to go into a new relationship, whip out your generic trust agreement and make people sign it in blood on pain of death if they break it. You know what it's like with written agreements, first you have to actually read them, then you file them, then you have to remember where you put them, and anyway, subtly...oh so subtly...you reworded them to suit your needs and understanding even while you were nodding politely.<br />
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The same goes for verbal communication, you'll say anything to get someone's clothes off, get a new job, etc., but in your mind you're reworking your understanding to suit what you know you're going to do. "I will definitely love you and only you forever unless someone taller/with a larger bust comes along."<br />
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So...you can't set up a Draft Heads of Agreement for trust within a relationship. You may not always know what you need and what you feel, therefore the people around you might get it wrong.<br />
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<b>PLUS a few problems...</b></div>
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<b>Other peoples' needs and emotions are not the same as yours.</b></div>
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<b>Other people's ethics are not the same as yours.</b></div>
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<b>Some people are natural empaths and some are naturally dense and unaware.</b></div>
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<b>Some communicate clearly and well, others can't speak their needs at all.</b></div>
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<b>You can surprise yourself so you can certainly surprise others.</b></div>
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<b>You have changed and grown as a human being and so have they (mostly).</b></div>
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<b>In other words...</b></div>
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It goes back to this whole human being issue again.<br />
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So, what can you do?<br />
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<b>You can set relationship standards for yourself and be that person.</b></div>
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<b>You can ask clearly for what you need.</b></div>
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<b>You can say clearly that what's happening does not work for you.</b></div>
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<b>You COMMUNICATE.</b></div>
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<b>You LISTEN.</b></div>
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<b>You DISCUSS.</b></div>
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<b>AND most importantly</b></div>
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<b>You are REALISTIC and AWARE!</b></div>
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You have a right to have standards by which you would like to be treated, but you <i>must </i>be prepared to also deliver those standards.</div>
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You must communicate with people around you and tell them what you need, what isn't working and how you feel. You must listen to them and understand where they are coming from. Be prepared to discuss but be wary of too much compromise if you're the one constantly backing down something is definitely wrong.</div>
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You must also be aware of what is going on, realistic as to whether the relationship is working for you and if you aren't prepared to walk away then you must take responsibility for staying and putting up with it. It can be incredibly difficult to move on sometimes but people have escaped from the most difficult and damaging of situations and you can too.</div>
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If a relationship has demoralised you to the point that you feel like a horrible person who deserved it all:</div>
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<b>Go quiet and don't create difficult situations.</b></div>
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<b>Find help (medical and complementary).</b></div>
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<b>Build up your inner strength.</b></div>
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<b>If you need to diet.</b></div>
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<b>Exercise, it raises the endorphins that make you feel generally better.</b></div>
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<b>(seek advice from your GP if you have any medical conditions or concerns regarding fitness)</b></div>
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<b>Get your hair cut into a nice style or learn to style it or put it up so that it looks good.</b></div>
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<b>If you can afford to update your wardrobe.</b></div>
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<b>Then when you're feeling stronger and better all round...</b></div>
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Walk quietly away with the minimum fuss and the maximum speed. Not easy to do in difficult relationships with partners or families but if you ask around you will find support from people who have managed to extricate themselves from toxic relationships and if they can do it you can.</div>
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However, the bottom line here regarding trust is:</div>
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<b>You set the standards.</b></div>
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<b>You observe realistically.</b></div>
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<b>You communicate.</b></div>
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<b>You take action depending on how things go.</b></div>
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It is all about you.<br />
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Next "Trust, the Bottom Line"<br />
<br />
Deb<br />
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<br />Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-75493909942569978002012-11-16T07:33:00.002-08:002012-11-16T07:33:12.618-08:00Trust 1 - The BasicsI asked a question on Facebook the other day about what people really need help with and Trust came up as a big issue. I started writing about it and I can confirm that it IS a BIG issue. So I'm breaking it down into bite-sized chunks.<br />
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Let's start by thinking about what trust is. You may disagree with me or be able to take this thought further but the best I could come up with when I really went into the feeling is:<br />
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<b>Trust is what I hope for in all relationships. </b></div>
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<b>It means that I will never be hurt by anyone. </b></div>
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<b>It means that people will always mean what they say and do what they say. </b></div>
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<b>It means that they will always know what I need and deliver it.</b></div>
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I'm sincerely glad that I don't have to ask for what I've defined above as it felt completely unrealistic even as I wrote it. Because...</div>
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<b>We are all human. </b></div>
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<b>All humans make mistakes.</b></div>
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<b>The greater percentage of human beings mean well.</b></div>
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<b>Most humans mean what they say until they realise that they can't do it.</b></div>
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<b>Most humans mean what they say until they realise that it had a different meaning for you.</b></div>
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<b>Most humans try to be nice by saying yes but sometimes they really meant no.</b></div>
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<b>Relationships have ups and downs.</b></div>
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<b>A lifetime is a long time to love one person.</b></div>
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<b>People change.</b></div>
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<b>Feelings change.</b></div>
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<b>Hopes and dreams change.</b></div>
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<b>Forever is a long time to be perfect.</b></div>
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<b>Nobody is in your life to serve your purpose, not even your children.</b></div>
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<b>Stress affects all relationships.</b></div>
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That children comment is a tough one, but at the end of the day everyone is an individual even the child you gave birth to/sired, and nobody is born to make your life ok, to be perfect around you or for you. No one, not even you. You can't say the words "I'm only human!" without remembering that so is everyone else.</div>
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Even you don't get things right for yourself all the time. You make wrong decisions. You say you'll do something and you don't really want to so you find a way out that fools no one. You have changed since you were born, maybe more than once, and you will do so again. If you're honest do you love him/her the same way you did when you met? Were you <i>really </i>surprised when it broke up or deep-down did you know?</div>
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Right, it's a start. If this makes any sense to you or you can rethink it to make sense you will immediately see that we have high expectations of ourselves and other humans. </div>
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Perhaps the best start with dealing with trust issues is to realise that <b>no one is perfect </b>isn't a cliche it's <b>the truth.</b></div>
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More later</div>
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Deb</div>
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Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-82825700010775304402012-07-08T00:34:00.000-07:002012-07-08T00:34:17.245-07:00Personal, Spiritual and Psychic Mediumship DevelopmentMorning all, hope no one has melted in the rain! It's been an interesting summer so far to put it mildly, but the good news is that summer didn't officially kick in until 21st June so we've only lost three weeks of potential frying!<br />
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As you may have seen, Nicky and I are running a Spiritual Retreat in October at the wonderful and relaxing Buckland Hall in the Brecon Beacons, 5 minutes off a main A road, 20 minutes from Monmouth railway station, and yet the moment you get through the doors of the hall the modern world somehow ceases to exist.<br />
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As you walk into the Baronial Hall you're confronted by two roaring log fires surrounded by the kind of comfy sofas you have at home, or for those who are hot stuff a huge bay window that looks out over the surrounding hills and valleys of Wales. The gardens are amazing, the bedrooms are comfortable and as big as anything you'll see in a decent hotel; in fact far bigger than many hotels bedrooms of my acquaintance.<br />
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It's also one of the most Spiritual places I've ever been to, and the paranormal activity is friendly and comfortable.<br />
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Why though would you come on a course of this type? Why not just psychic mediumship development, or personal or Spiritual development? Why the mix?<br />
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The answer to those questions is because Nicky and I apply every aspect of our psychic mediumship work to our own lives - because it is applicable to being at work, having relationships, dealing with family, bringing up children (her not me, I just chase cats round the garden in the rain and clean up fur balls), and anything else you do between getting up and going to sleep. Oh...and understanding your dreams.<br />
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We both have close contact with our Guides Amos and Shanamaya (to name but two of our amazing team) and they are always there to give us advice on how to cope, often coming up with something we would never have considered, the gentle wisdom of which blows us away. There's no doubt in our minds that we're both better people because we have them to help us.<br />
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So when it comes to the psychic mediumship training, whether you want to be a worker in the Spiritual field or whether you would just like to be able to hear your life Guide or Guardian Angel, or feel the love from your loved ones and friends in the Spirit world, the training is useful.<br />
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If you've ever had paranormal experiences that have concerned you a course like this can also answer a number of questions, put your mind at rest, and you will learn about psychic protection and what is and is not a matter of concern. If you have a child showing psychic or mediumship tendencies it can be very useful to understand the field yourself and know where to go for guidance and help.<br />
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If you just want to handle people at work by being more understanding then the psychic exercises will be a great help, or if you want alternative means of guiding your life in the right direction other than trying to think logically, then learning about your intuition and finding out how strong it is will be very useful.<br />
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Spiritual development isn't a fluffy concept either, with the exception of the points mentioned above, it is real life development that works in the real world. If you learn to meditate you have means of calming your mind so that you can think. The body won't sleep if the mind won't relax, so meditating in bed can be an effective way of relaxing. Even if you don't sleep you can tell your body it is totally relaxed and resting and still bounce out of bed rejuvenated and ready to rock.<br />
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You can learn the difference between a dream and a lucid dream or even a Spiritual journey undertaken during the night, and you can learn how to understand the messages your mind and higher self (Spiritual aspect of you) are sending you.<br />
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You can learn how to react to people in a completely different way, and most importantly you can learn how to be happy. Yes, it is possible to learn how to be happy and feel that your glass is completely full 90% of the time. You can learn what else is available to you to support you through your life in order to have a bigger toolbox of help when you need it.<br />
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Here's another thing that might surprise you - I know beyond doubt, and so does Nicky, that she would have had a far harder time recovering from her accident of 2 years ago had she not been a Spiritual thinking. I have also changed completely from someone who suffered from permanent acute anxiety for over 20 years to someone who gets flashes of it when they get stressed or tired, and knows that's just a message to "Do Something!" about it.<br />
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Personal development may sound different, but naturally Spiritual development leads to personal development and magic happens in real life.<br />
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Lastly, you will know the difference between a psychic and medium and you will know whether you want to pursue any of the fascinating work available in the field.<br />
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When I say lastly I mean that loosely of course. I haven't even got to nature readings, walking meditations for those who can't sit still, fire readings, psychic games, inspirational speaking, colour readings, seeing auras, exploring healing, learning about holistic therapies, and all the many wonderful things we have at our disposal in our lives and want to share with you. And the new friends, there are always new friends on courses like this, which means that if so far you've felt very alone with your changing Spirituality you won't be when you leave Bucklands.<br />
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In case you haven't seen the advert it's £238 for the two days full board and all teaching, payable in 3 amounts £80 now, £80 in August, £78 in September. If we get over 33 people the September amount will be a bit less.<br />
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There it is, we so want to get our teaching going and start really helping people to improve their everyday lives and perfectly normal human abilities.<br />
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Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights<br />
<br />
Deb and Nicky xxTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-30284140278354589432012-06-01T11:59:00.000-07:002012-06-01T11:59:54.016-07:00Married to a Monster!I am married to a monster! A nice monster but a heinous wretch all the same. Why you may ask? You may well ask!!!!<br />
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He uses my little car for trips to the recycling centre and promised on a stack of bibles and with his crown jewels in a vice that he would NEVER ever allow any eight legged creatures to set up home in my car.<br />
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Today I was driving to meet a friend when to my horror (and in the presence of much shrieking) a spider was doing the fandango across the windscreen in front of my very eyes! Up it went threatening to climb the roof and drop into my hair (I could tell it had that kind of cruel look about it), down it came to spin a neat little web across my line of vision, and all the time I'm trying to stay on the right side of the road and avoid the articulated trucks coming towards me. <br />
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I stopped to grab the wretched creature and deposit it in a hedge but of course the little tinker dropped rapidly off the windscreen and disappeared out of sight...until I started driving again when it reappeared from the crevice it had taken refuge in with an evil grin on it's chops and a glint in it's eye. "Where will I land next?" said the look.<br />
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Now it is true that it isn't actually a huge spider, in fact one might call it bijou and compact, but even a 1/4" arachnid is distracting when it's waving it's butt at you as you're driving and looking like it might have a big family secreted somewhere around your person. I know this because I swear it was singing the theme tune to Friends as I drove along!<br />
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Trouble is I can't kill it. So...<br />
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If anyone wishes to reach Tony Hawken this weekend he will be living in my car, clutching a glass and piece of card to trap the damned creature, and as soon as he exits the car I will have his special places in athat vice!<br />
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Enjoy the Jubilee everyone!<br />
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Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights and a spider-free life - unless you have one as a pet in which case I wish it nothing but well and a strongly sealed cage surrounded by 8 metres of electrified barb wire!<br />
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DebTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-1582011830216355922012-05-31T13:23:00.000-07:002012-05-31T13:23:01.360-07:00That's What Happens When You Get Busy!I know that I have followers from several parts of the world who read my blog, and I have to apologise for being so absent from this site lately. I've been studying.<br />
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I've been writing a book for years and I realised that I wasn't actually doing it, just noodling around with a few words here and there but not committing myself, but I didn't know why.<br />
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Fortunately I saw an offer on the internet to join www.transformationalauthor.com for a set of free seminars and I have to say that it's been amazing, full of content and really useful information for aspiring writers, but it's also been hard work. <br />
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Each day I've listened to 2 hours of content, and the rest of my time has been taken up with putting into practice what I'm learning, and that for me has been the key step - doing something with the knowledge I have.<br />
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I think the moral of this story is that sometimes you have to take a step back from normal everyday life and do something completely different, enjoy what you're doing and really get into it, because it gives you a fresh perspective in life and maybe some fuel for your inner boiler of energy and enthusiasm.<br />
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I've enjoyed doing something different even if it's meant neglecting a few of my old stalwarts - not forever, but just to have a bit of a mental and emotional refresh!<br />
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Give that some thought, thank you for your continued support, and let me know what you choose to do to give your life a new coat of paint.<br />
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That website again is www.transformationalauthor.com, or look up Christine Kloser on Facebook.<br />
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Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights and new opportunities<br />
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DebTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-30435290923328622702012-05-18T05:42:00.000-07:002012-05-18T05:42:59.419-07:00Are You A (problem) Keeper or Solver?Are your problems your best friends? "Of COURSE not!!!!" you're yelling at the computer screen, wondering if I'm completely and utterly nuts or have just lost my senses for a moment.<br />
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I'm neither, I'm a person who has worked with people on their problems for over 20 years and I can tell you that what I'm saying is true - many people hang onto their problems in the same way they hang on to a friend who may not be a positive force in their life but is better than no friend at all.<br />
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The way they do this is to complicate the problem out of all recognition until it's so big and difficult that it can't possibly be solved. They try to see into the future and imagine how they would solve the problem, and then get scared and don't solve the problem at all because the end result seems so huge.<br />
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Whereas problem solvers take a long hard look at the issue and then take it one step at a time until they solve it. Slowly and methodically.<br />
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One of the hardest things in life is to know yourself, warts and all, and trust yourself to be able to manage your own life. These are attributes that should be taught in schools alongside Maths and English, because those strengths would get you a lot further in life than purely academic abilities alone. But they're not, to the detriment of those who have gone before, those going through the system, and those yet to come. To my mind positive thinking and problem solving attitudes should be taught in schools.<br />
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So once we've been trained by the people in our past to be the person we are, now we have to take responsibility for that and change it. That's what I did and it's been a long road and sometimes a hard one, but from the day I made the decision that I would take out of my psyche all the things I'd been taught as 'truths' that I now knew a) weren't truths and b) were nothing to do with the person I am, everything has been that much easier.<br />
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How to do it though? I can only suggest simple steps in a blog.<br />
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<ol><li>Keep a journal and note whether you're a positive or negative thinker (remember, you don't always need to think negatively about difficult issues, you can think positively in a difficult situation). </li>
<li>Focus on happiness and nice things. Really notice all the good around you, the birds, the flowers, the rainbows, the opportunities to go out and have fun.</li>
<li>Go out and have fun.</li>
<li>Read loads of books by 'thinkers' and build a mindset that is all your own.</li>
<li>Go to see many inspirational speakers and find out what makes them tick and why.</li>
</ol><div>These are good starting points because you have to change you in order to change your mind. You don't want to be leaping in trying to change yourself all at once. That simple step of journal keeping will tell you where you are emotionally. The focusing on happiness will fill your mind with much better thoughts and that alone will put you in a positive space for dealing with your life. Having fun will turn you into a fun person whose glass is always half full. Other ideas will give you just that, other ideas to have in your head rather than the negative ones that have been taking up space.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The last big fear to be dealt with is "who am I without my problems?" There's an entire book or counselling year in that, but here's a simple answer to start working with - someone happier. Imagine that! Imagine that every day, spend mind time thinking about it, feeling how it would be, visualising how you would live if you were happier, make it so real you can feel it and guess what? It will happen. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Just snuck another step in there.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights and no...oh what was the word..p...por...pro...no it's gone out of my head!</div><div><br />
</div><div>Deb :-)</div>Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-73712500820842937912012-05-18T05:24:00.001-07:002012-05-18T05:31:10.102-07:00Viva La (Psychic) Difference!I'm not a person who launched into or has ever done this work purely for the buzz it's given me, like everything I do in life I think deeply about what I'm doing. I examine my motives for doing it, and I work to ensure that I do my absolute best for my clients at all times.<br />
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Over the years I've become aware that I'm a very different Psychic Reader to most people but I've never understood why. I give what I'm given through the cards or what I pick up from their aura, and that's all I can give because that's what's there to be shared.<br />
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Many clients have come back to me telling me that everything I said in the last Reading I did for them has come true, and I know of at least two people who met their current partners in exactly the month I said that love would come in. However, I still don't understand why some Psychics seem to work mainly on predicting the future and I don't, and I know there are others like me.<br />
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When I have a problem like that I always put it over to the Spirit World and ask my Guide, Amos, to help me understand the plan. This morning I woke up with the answer.<br />
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I don't work purely on the surface level, which is to say working on the obvious such as when will love come into someone's life, in exactly what month should they leave their job, telling them yes and no about moving home. I work at an emotional and soul level.<br />
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Everyone is here to live their own life and to create that life to their own satisfaction and happiness. We all know that the right two people can meet, and then mess it up spectacularly later on. We all know that the right job can turn up but the wrong mindset within that job will always find fault with it and make it difficult. <br />
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I realise that I've told many clients over the years that things other psychics told them didn't work out because of deeper emotional reasons going on with them - not with other people. You see, you can believe that things keep going wrong for you, particularly romance, because you attract the wrong people all the time. Whilst that is partly true, it will mainly be because there is something going on with your feelings and approach to life that creates an attraction to the wrong people in the first place.<br />
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So no matter how much bounty and happiness you're promised, if you have blocks to accepting the joy in life then it will be really hard for you to find the joy that you deserve. That's where I come in with my work. Helping people to identify their underlying life and soul issues so that they're ready to jump on any brilliant opportunity that comes their way, and not so busy looking on the dark side of life that they don't see the flash of light that passes them heading on to find someone who was watching.<br />
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I've also had to deal with a fair number of clients who have received negative predictions and are now officially terrified of the future. However, when I look into it for them I usually discover that there are positive ways to avoid much of the mess they've been promised because nothing is written in stone until you write it. Sometimes, sadly, it isn't possible to be positive but that's <u>very very rare</u> and there is always coping advice that can be given to support the person through that time.<br />
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I now know that my job is to help people deal with their lives on that emotional level, to help them clear the blocks within them, deal with problems confronting them in a positive way, and enable them to manage their own emotional, Spiritual and physical lives successfully and with minimal assistance by teaching them simple techniques for managing life.<br />
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Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, and plenty of happiness and relaxation<br />
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DebTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-62605854883890751812012-05-18T05:08:00.000-07:002012-05-18T05:08:04.930-07:00Living with LaughterAs you probably know by now, I'm a co-creator of "The Do Something! Tour" (c) with my friend Nicky Marshall. The Tour is about helping people in the audience work out simple solutions to everyday problems and irritations so that they can leave the event with an action plan for change.<br />
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After much thought and consideration we decided to try to make the Tour and it's work as funny and light as possible. It was a difficult call because you would never want anyone to think that you were trivialising the things in life that upset them, but by the same token we've realised that the heavier and deeper you get into problems the worse they become. Whereas on an evening where much laughter is shared amongst the wisdomness and inspiration we get better results and feedback.<br />
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This taught us that most people don't want to take ordinary life problems too seriously, they want to feel light and energised and able to deal with them. If you think about it this makes sense, the lighter you feel the easier it is to lift yourself above your problems and see the road ahead without them. The more miserable you are the bigger problems become, until the point where a broken fingernail or ladder in your tights, scratch on the car or red wine on the tie, become unendurable in the greater scheme (or should I say mess) of things.<br />
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So if you want to come to a Do Something! Tour event or workshop, or listen to our Radio Show on Paramania Radio, remember that there will be a lot of laughter and giggles shared to add that spoon full of sugar that makes the medicine go down oh so sweetly.<br />
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After all, laughter is the best medicine!<br />
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Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights and giggles.<br />
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Deb<br />
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The Do Something! Show<br />
www.paramaniaradio.com,<br />
Thursday 7.00 pm GMT/BST, 2.00 pm EST<br />
Bring chocolate!Transform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-81811320435001978602012-04-30T15:27:00.000-07:002012-04-30T15:27:31.700-07:00The Do Something! Tour (c) Newsletter - Introducing the Hagony Aunts!In the not-too-distant future - in other words as soon as our nail polish is dry - Nicky and I will be putting digit to keyboard and sharing a fictional and humorous look at life's challenges and irritations.<br />
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The letters to the Hagony Aunts will be based on fictitious letters from people who don't exist but despite their non-existence still suffer from life's bug-a-boos and chaos. We will be answering those people who aren't there in an entirely humorous manner whilst dropping a few pearls of real wisdom in amongst the giggles.<br />
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Email us at dosomethingtour@gmail.com if you'd like to be inspired by laughter.<br />
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The more the merrier!<br />
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DebTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-34923520381969038842012-04-30T15:24:00.000-07:002012-04-30T15:24:14.409-07:00Please join meHi Dear Readers, whoever you are.<br />
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I get a phenomenal amount of people reading my blog but I have no idea who and from where. Please join up if you have a moment I'd love to know who you are and who I'm reaching.<br />
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Deb xxTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315269573868222771.post-25732410999224542052012-04-30T14:03:00.005-07:002012-04-30T14:08:31.046-07:00Self-Improvement Doesn't Always Have to be Serious!I have an irreverent sense of humour. I was born in the days when political incorrectness was the norm and no feelings were spared in the quest for a laugh. Mother-in-laws were fair game, two grown men could make you howl with laughter whilst sharing the same bed - as friends, and Thames Television got away with "Love Thy Neighbour" despite numerous audience complaints.<br />
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When you were young at the time I was laughing at life was compulsory and no one took anything more seriously than they absolutely had to.<br />
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Fast forward 30 years. I'm now a Psychic Medium and Inspirational Speaker, Writer and Life Coach, and my raison d'etre is looking after people who aren't happy and working to help them find their inner sparkle again, in a day and age in which we really need all the giggles we can get, but political correctness makes laughing a lot more worrying than it was in simpler, more innocent times. Even laughing has its issues nowadays!<br />
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However, my years Coaching and Reading for people tell me that we do need to lighten up as much as we can. Whether that's by realising that the really serious issues can't be forgotten so just accept that they sit in your memory and access those memories as infrequently as possible. Following on logically from that, the less seriously we take everything that doesn't fall into the 'really serious' category the better off we'll be. We can perhaps do that by accepting that in reality very few things are truly serious - most are just majorly over-thought.<br />
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One of the best ways to avoid over-seriousness-ing things is to stop making up stories. If something is bad then it's inescapably bad. Yet making up stories of how bad things that are not inescapably bad might get only detracts from sorting those things out. Creating scenarios in your mind as to what others <i>might </i>do only prevents you from having a conversation with them that might prevent the 'might'.<br />
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Staying in a job you hate because you've made up a story that you're in the frying pan and the next step is the fire, or this is the only possible career on the planet you could ever have, or there is simply <i>no other way</i> of making money, or change is impossible for a million reasons, is just inside the box thinking that has no place in a happy and fulfilled life.<br />
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The other thing we all take too seriously nowadays is identifying our issues and recovering from them. It's one thing to work to identify your truth and once you've found that truth then "Do Something!" about whatever it is that needs doing something about. It's quite another to spend your life in therapy, lurching from practitioner to practitioner, therapist to therapist, reader to reader and coach to coach, whilst never actually doing something about anything you've identified. Don't be on a constant quest for the answer - become the answer.<br />
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My friend Nicky Marshall and I are shortly to launch a positive and inspirational newsletter based on fictitious life problems worded in deliberately amusing terms and answered with a fair dollop of good, old-fashioned, off the wall humour. There will be nuggets of pure inspiration and useful advice carefully sprinkled amongst the silliness, but given a choice as to whether to impress you with our worthiness and knowledge or make you laugh out loud whilst we're trying to help you - we'll go for the giggles every time.<br />
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Besides, more often than not a joke will stick in the memory far longer than a few well chosen words of advice.<br />
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Off to create a touch of mischief.<br />
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DebTransform Your World with Deb Hawkenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08847012121532505777noreply@blogger.com0