Friday, 1 June 2012

Married to a Monster!

I am married to a monster!  A nice monster but a heinous wretch all the same.  Why you may ask?  You may well ask!!!!

He uses my little car for trips to the recycling centre and promised on a stack of bibles and with his crown jewels in a vice that he would NEVER ever allow any eight legged creatures to set up home in my car.

Today I was driving to meet a friend when to my horror (and in the presence of much shrieking) a spider was doing the fandango across the windscreen in front of my very eyes!  Up it went threatening to climb the roof and drop into my hair (I could tell it had that kind of cruel look about it), down it came to spin a neat little web across my line of vision, and all the time I'm trying to stay on the right side of the road and avoid the articulated trucks coming towards me.

I stopped to grab the wretched creature and deposit it in a hedge but of course the little tinker dropped rapidly off the windscreen and disappeared out of sight...until I started driving again when it reappeared from the crevice it had taken refuge in with an evil grin on it's chops and a glint in it's eye.  "Where will I land next?" said the look.

Now it is true that it isn't actually a huge spider, in fact one might call it bijou and compact, but even a 1/4" arachnid is distracting when it's waving it's butt at you as you're driving and looking like it might have a big family secreted somewhere around your person.  I know this because I swear it was singing the theme tune to Friends as I drove along!

Trouble is I can't kill it.  So...

If anyone wishes to reach Tony Hawken this weekend he will be living in my car, clutching a glass and piece of card to trap the damned creature, and as soon as he exits the car I will have his special places in athat vice!

Enjoy the Jubilee everyone!

Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights and a spider-free life - unless you have one as a pet in which case I wish it nothing but well and a strongly sealed cage surrounded by 8 metres of electrified barb wire!