The journey to Gavle (pronounced Yarvler) in Sweden started 28 years ago when I was 15 years old. I was walking down the street on a beautiful spring day feeling fantastic, the weather was beautiful, and all was right with the world; then I took another step.
In that moment I went from a happy, carefree teenager to a terrified one, and I can't tell you why.
For the next 28 years I struggled against acute anxiety, doing things that really scared me and getting through them but never comfortably and certainly never easily. I'm proud of myself that I never gave in, but that pride didn't negate the struggle I lived through every day, beginning when I woke up in the morning.
I used to say that I was grateful if I managed to stay sane until I went to bed, because I spent so much time in fear of losing my mind.
I had a list of things that scared me that was long and completely unreasonable, and for someone who found it difficult to leave their own home flying was pretty near the top of that list.
Even so I managed to go to New Zealand with my husband and meet his family in 1993 but I haven't flown since, until this weekend.
As many of you will know I am a working Psychic Medium, writer and inspirational speaker, and I work very closely with my Spirit Guide Amos. You will also know that I have never pretended to be more than human and I have always made it clear that I empathise because I have struggled too.
A few months ago, through a friend, I was invited to go and work in Sweden and I said yes. I still felt scared but I also knew that it was time that this fear went. I waited for the panic to appear and it didn't, however I was concerned that it would.
Then Amos asked me why I "made up stories". I discovered that he was referring to the fact that unreasonable fear causes us to make up scenarios in our minds that aren't true. They are based purely in a fear-induced over-active imagination.
As is my way when I am provided with wisdom of that kind I listened and I began to consciously work with this idea. When the day came to get on the aeroplane I waited for the fear and it didn't come. I did have a small wobble every so often but I walked on to the plane confidently and happily.
I had made up my mind that I would watch the cabin crew and if they remained relaxed then I would too. So when there was a little bump or rattle, or the alarming sound that turned out to be the wheels retracting into the fuselage, I checked the cabin crew and the faces of more seasoned travellers and if they looked comfortable I chose to allow myself to feel the same way.
I flew into Sweden's Arlanda airport with my nose buried in a book, barely raising my head when we had what my seasoned traveller of a husband called an interesting landing. I spent the weekend in Gavle enjoying every second of my time without once considering the flight home. And I danced onto the return flight with a new book and no concerns whatsoever.
My journey to Gavle led me not only to meet wonderful people, but also to spend time in a country I have discovered that I can completely relax in. What it is about the energy of the country and its people I do not know, what I do know is that all the niggles that prey on my mind when I'm at home ceased to exist and I am filled with gratitude for that.
It might have taken me many years hard work and a constant and complete determination never to give in to that fear that was often exhausting but necessary in order for me to overcome it, but it was worth it to get on that plane and visit a place where I can relax and forget myself.
I will always have Gavle, I will always have the wonderful friend I made over there (Pierre Hasselbrandt) and I hope I will get to know better the many lovely people he introduced me to and who supported my work when I was there.
What I won't have is the fear I've battled for 28 years, and I am more than happy to kiss that goodbye once and for all.
For many people they have a long hard road to hoe when it comes to their inner demons, but I'm proof that if you don't give up and if you work with the ideas that others give you, using them as tools for change, you too can go and find your own Gavle.
If you have an Amos it helps too, and my gratitude in being a guided Spiritual worker knows no bounds. If you don't have an Amos you have me.
Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights, knowing that if I can overcome my inner demons so can you.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
I don't often use my blog to rant but this has annoyed me.
At a recent demonstration an attendee came up to a friend of mine and told her that she was very upset because she had been told by someone at a mind, body, soul event that the Medium that night wasn't very good.
It transpired that, being a decent human being, she had decided to go along anyway to judge for herself rather than listen to gossip.
She was very angry for two reasons, firstly because she said it wasn't true but secondly - and most importantly - because she was investigating the Spiritual field in order to add something positive to her life that she felt was missing.
She said to my friend something along the lines of "What's the point in getting involved if even people in this field can be so unpleasant?" My friend spoke to her and encouraged her to keep coming, but the story really annoyed me because this lady was right to question her continued involvement.
Even though Spiritual Workers are just ordinary people with the same weaknesses and failings as everyone else we still need to understand the responsibility we take on when we choose to assume the mantle of Spiritual Worker.
When people turn to our field for help and inspiration they do so because they need to have faith in something. They are looking for hope for the future and something more positive and loving than everyday life seems to offer. What they don't want, need or deserve is the same old same old in the way of fear induced criticism. Especially when it comes cloaked in the form of Spirituality.
Spiritual workers don't get sprinkled with fairy dust when they commit to working for the Spirit World, they remain very normal human beings who have good days and bad days. This is wonderful work but it isn't easy work and like anyone a Spiritual worker can have a bad day at work. Surely we of all people should understand this and not judge each other?
So to anyone working in the Spiritual field I say this. Before you decide to comment negatively about another Spiritual worker think about what image you're presenting to the people who seek our help and don't trample their hopes and dreams into the dust of negativity.
A person who needs this work and our help to support her in managing her everyday life, and perhaps her grief, was nearly lost and that can never be right. If you need to have a whinge do so to someone in the field who is certain of their own beliefs and won't be damaged by your attitude.
Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
However, this morning, along with his birthday greetings, my husband received news that Wellington are being threatened that it's their turn soon.
This is obviously very frightening, although Tony's family are not people to dwell on the negative.
As part of this situation and the recent floods in Australia I can't help but notice how many people post and re-post about these events. How many send emails with yet another video about the chaos and destruction, damaged lives and bereavement.
Obviously this is understandable because there is an emotional need at these times to know that other people care about what's happening and you're not alone, but as a light-worker this attitude really worries me.
We know that positive thinking leads to positive outcomes and negative thinking takes our lives the other way. Whilst we know that controlling the weather and seismic activity of a planet is a challenge to say the least, do we have the right to focus on the negative on behalf of the people living in these places. I think not.
I'm not just talking about the Antipodes either, close as they and their people may feel to us. I'm talking about Pakistan, China, India, Italy, and all the other places that have suffered natural disasters.
As light-workers I feel we need to do two things and do them constantly. Firstly, send out healing to the planet earth and use positive visualisations to settle the planet down. Secondly we must send healing to all people affected by natural disasters and with it send our confidence and certainty that they will find the strength and emotional healing to rebuild their lives. We can also send a good dose of that strength with our healing.
We can set up points of light in these tragedy-ridden areas to help both those still on this side and those who have lost their lives. The points of light will draw the souls of those who have passed to the Spirit World, and they will also help the people who walk through them to feel healing, love and strength. We can keep those points of light topped up with positive healing energy to help.
I'm going to ask for help to create one in Christchurch by the Cathedral. It would be lovely if you would send your healing and support to make sure that the point of light expands to take in the entire city and surrounding areas. I'm also going to ask for help to send healing to the fault line in the hope that it will somehow grease the edges and make the two plates glide easily past each other.
Many people won't believe as we believe, many won't see that it can help, but we as light-workers must send positive energy to those people, they have all the negativity they need and we cannot in all conscience do anything that will pull them down further.
In one way we are helpless when such awful things happen, but in another we can be the most powerful because of the healing energy we can ask for and send. Can we help the planet and prevent these disasters? Who knows because the planet is always in a state of flux, but we should at least try to do something positive and not add to their woes by sending tears and misery.
From now on let's make a pact that when something happens anywhere in the world we will create a point of light and ask the universe to expand it with healing energy to help those living in that area.
Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights