Trust

Trust is a funny word isn't it?  We talk about it a lot, we think about it a lot, we blame the lack of trust in others for a multitude of sins and negative events, and yet we misplace it all the time.

You're probably thinking that I'm referring to all the times you've trusted other people only to find that they weren't who they say they are.  Well I'm not, I'm referring to trusting yourself.

If you trust yourself then it doesn't matter what anyone else does or says, you know that you can overcome or deal with whatever the results are of other people's actions.  However, self-trust comes hand-in-hand with choice and responsibility.

Yes I know that three hands is an impossible thing and brings on images of juggling, but actually these three attributes - or choices as I prefer to call them - are perfectly fitting pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that can create a new you in no time at all.

If you're always third-partying your life, putting your happiness in the hands of strangers, and generally blaming everyone and everything for all the pits you fall into, then you are giving away the power in your life.

To remain within your own power you must make choices, then take the responsibility for those choices, and lastly trust yourself that whatever anyone else does you will be able to handle it confidently and quickly.

If you can own those three handholds of life then you will discover that you aren't at the mercy of others all the time.  Not only that, you will forge better relationships because you will take two levels of responsibility, firstly for doing your part to be a positive partner in the relationship (be it romance, work, friendship, etcetera), and secondly by knowing that if it doesn't work you will notice and you will know what to do.  More importantly, you will know when to walk away.

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

Deb

Ego Boost

I know that in Spiritual circles the word ego isn't a pretty one, in fact it's been known to make grown adults spend hours telling you how they don't have an ego and wouldn't know what one was if they saw one.  The trouble is that most people don't know what the ego actually is.

So what is it?  I'm glad you asked!  The word means "I" in Greek, and the ego is something that sits between the Super Ego (our conscience) and the id (the pleasure principal which helps us to get our basic needs met).

The id develops first in our babyhood and it allows us to get the necessary sustenance to survive.  The Super Ego develops as we are taught right from wrong and becomes the parent in our own head.

The ego is the sense of self and also the sense that others have a self, it is the ego part of us that understands that fulfilling only our own needs is selfish.  It is the ego's job to sit between the needs of the id whilst taking reality into consideration - you could say it ensures that we are fed and watered but prevents us from keeping all the food for ourselves.

As you can see, the ego gets a very bad press because it is regularly and wrongly defined as showing off.

Yet how do we define that state of needing to know best about everything that matters if it isn't ego?  You define it as fear.  Anyone who has to spend ages telling you how wonderful they are or how wonderful you aren't is suffering from fear.

Their confidence is threatened because they haven't developed the balanced sense of self that allows others 'to be' and doesn't feel that if one person is good at something that means they cannot also be good at whatever it is.  That's what causes the fear mode of becoming the world expert on everything.

Nowhere will you experience that fear more than in the Spiritual field.  There are so many Spiritual workers out there doubting themselves that, through fear, they land up judging others and finding them wanting.  Perhaps this is because we can't stick a degree or professional qualification under anyone's nose and yell "there, it's official, I do know what I'm doing."

Our lack of officially recognised training isolates us and leaves us in a place where we have to trust ourselves more completely than in any other field of life.  That can be scary because most people in life doubt themselves.

Imagine if you will having to stand up for something so completely, with no backing and no proof, the only thing you have is your own honest and genuine belief.  That's not much of a stick to defend yourself with is it?  Some people just can't deal with it.

I've known many Spiritual workers brought to their knees because of the fear of having an ego.  I've also known many attacked for their work and almost disabled by the unpleasantness of the situation.  If you think about that for a moment you will understand that any Spiritual worker needs their ego (without it you'd have no sensitivity to your clients) and their sense of self.  They also need to be able to judge realistically whether they are or are not doing a good job.

It's utterly ridiculous and serves no useful purpose to going round being over-humble and compromising your ability to do your work just so that no one mentions the word 'ego' in your presence.  Your clients deserve the best and they deserve to know that you know that you can deliver that - realistically.  Remember, the ego is about realism.  I've never heard my Guide tell me he's brilliant or useless, he just gets on with it.

Knowing quietly within yourself that you are confident in what you do is realism, and therefore ego.  Telling everyone, everywhere how much better you are than everyone else who's ever been born and how much more you know is just plain showing off.

So if you're not doing that, if you're not tearing others down in order to bolster yourself up your ego is in perfect working order.

Yet what do you do when your work takes a huge knock?  If you are a true Spiritual worker you pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again.

If you can't do that then you do have a problem and it's not ego.  It means you're in the Spiritual field for the wrong reasons and you're not working simply for the love of Spirit.

I spoke to someone the other day who, to me, epitomises the term 'Spiritual Worker'.  I'm not going to reveal who that person is but I can tell you that on the scale of hard knocks that person has experienced a real doozy.  Yet they're out there still trying to improve on their work and offer more to the people they meet.  Not only that, they have the courage to acknowledge the hammering they've taken, accept it and move on.

The person is gentle and genuine.  Yet obviously they do have a good sense of who they are and what they can do - goodness knows they've had enough evidence via their own two eyes to know that - and it's that sense of reality (ego) that is keeping them going and driving them to constantly improve .

So, remember that your ego is there to give you the sense of 'I' that you're entitled to have, and also to remind you that other people are 'I's' too.

I do work simply for the love of Spirit (over there and over here),

If you can do all these things, if you can take the knocks and the hard knocks without ever thinking about giving up then you are a Spiritual Worker, and your ego is doing it's job brilliantly, as are you!

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

Deb

Co-Editor of Silent Voices Online Magazine
Latest article:  Tony Stockwell
www.silentvoices.org.uk

Today I fluffed my pillows on the bed. 

I got up as usual, whipped off my functional cold-weather snuggling gear and...before I tucked it under my top pillow...I picked up both pillows and fluffed them.

I doubt that you’re impressed.  I doubt that you’re even surprised.  The only mildly surprising things about all this are:

a)     Doesn’t everyone?

b)    Why am I telling you this?

I’m telling you because it’s through the simplest of our actions that we reveal ourselves and our thinking, thus demonstrating how we’re holding ourselves back.

For many years I’ve had trouble sleeping.  My pillows have been uncomfortable and I can’t get my head and neck in a position conducive to sleep.  I toss and turn, I thump the pillows, I curse them under my breath, and eventually I fall into a fitful sleep. They’re the kind of pillows that require fluffing to bring them back into shape and I don’t fluff them.  Today I did.

So what have I learned from this that I want to convey to you?

I’ve learned that I am now ready to accept a decent night’s sleep and that I will take appropriate action to help create that sleep.

It’s a simple thing, almost a nothing thing.  Yet everything we do tells us where we really are in life and how we really feel.  Everything we don’t do tells us something about our lives.  Everything we say tells us the truth.  The problem is we don’t want to hear and see.

Let’s think about a few examples.  Being too tired for sex obviously tells you something.  What about going to the supermarkets and buying pre-prepared food, what does that tell you about your willingness to look after yourself properly?  What does it tell you about nurturing those you love?

You’ll probably say you’re too busy, yet if you watch some of the TV chefs you can prepare a fantastic meal made with natural ingredients and have it on the table inside 20 minutes from beginning to end.

Are you constantly late for work?  Ever considered that you don’t want to be there?

Do you say yes to things and then find excuses not to do them?  Do you arrange to go out and find that you develop a headache or some such thing half an hour before and you’re frequently cancelling things?  Anything you set up and cancel tells you what you really want.

Do you say you’re going home or that you’re going “back” or to “Acacia Drive”?  Do you hate your body and reach for the chocolate, or use the car to go to the corner?

I could go on and on, but the message is watch what you do, listen to what you say, and learn to understand and accept what you really feel. 

You might feel more comfortable going along pretending that all is ok, but I’ll guarantee you that other people can see and hear it, so it might be a good idea to bite the bullet and sort things out.  Worst case scenario – you’ll be happier.

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights (very appropriate)

Deb