Nothing To Do With Me

How often have you been in difficult situations in life leading to conflict with others and felt completely baffled as to what is going on?  People have turned on you for seemingly no reason talking to others about you behind your back, or you’ve taken a new job and the boss or your colleagues aren’t welcoming towards you.

You’ve probably felt like a victim, wondering why you, why these people are turning on you when all you’ve ever tried to do is make friends and have a happy time.  Or very, very angry and unfairly treated.

Sadly the victim mentality actually hinders your ability to sort things out.  All the time your mind is occupied with “It’s so unfair” it isn’t occupied with listening, watching and sifting information in order to get to the bottom of things.

The angry mentality won’t serve you either because the moment a person feels attacked they will attack back or you can spend hours in a tit-for-tat situation trading insults and accusations.  Which usually only leads to loss of mutual respect, possibly tears, and a bad throat from all the yelling.  Not to mention stress levels that would register on the earthquake monitoring system.

The hardest thing is to recognise your part in what is happening, and the even harder thing to do is to do so without blaming yourself, your past, your parents, and anyone else who might have at some point been in your life.  Working with fault and blame is a waste of time and energy that does nothing to resolve situations.

So what can you do?

When I first put my feet on the Spiritual path I did not do so as the Psychic Medium, writer and inspirational speaker I am now.  Instead I joined at the dawning of Spiritual enlightenment stage.

I was close to coming apart because I was living a life so horrendously unsuited to me that I didn’t know where to turn in order to escape it.  Enter my friend and mentor Keith Macfarlane who listened to all my angst and then quietly informed me that a) I was drawing these lessons to me and b) I didn’t need to think the way I did.

I liked the thinking differently part but I have to say that I was a bit miffed by the whole “drawing these lessons to you” part.  I didn’t want to think that I had any hand in this whatsoever.  I wanted to believe that it was all about the people around me and I was the innocent caught in the spiders’ web of deviousness, lies and unkindness that was my world.

That wasn’t the case of course.  The unpleasantness surrounding me was there for one good reason – I was living a lie.  In order to prevent me living that lie my Guides, helpers and friends in the Spirit World were putting the message to me through the people I knew to show me that I needed to move on.

I moved on from my job, my marriage, my home, my in-laws, most of my friends, and eventually my family.  The only lasting thing I took with me was my 2 cats and some good memories.  It caused a lot of angst but it was well worth it.

The knowledge I’ve gained in the last 30 years, combined with the experiences I have working with others will fill several books, but to précis it for the purposes of a short article – I discovered that I needed to take responsibility for my own life.

I found that I needed to learn to think not about guilt and blame or anger and hurt.  Instead I needed to understand what I was seeing in these situations, what they were teaching me, and how they were showing me where to move on with my life and bring it to a healthier, happier place.

I also discovered that situations, both difficult and pleasant, teach you things about yourself and show you where you need to change in order to feel better in your own mind and more confident about who you are as a person.

I have met many people through the years who have found this too difficult to do because they won’t let go of the idea of guilt, blame and bad people doing bad things to innocent victims and instead look for the Spiritual and Universal message.

We all have times when we aren’t the sort of person we want to be, when we behave in ways that we otherwise wouldn’t.  These times are triggered by anger, lack of self-confidence, hurt, pain and all the other ugly things that sneak into everyone’s life from time-to-time.

Simple human situations are not the result of bad people, they’re just messages about personal character traits, people and situations that are no longer relevant to you.

Life is a journey and there is a point to many of the difficult things that happen, and that point is to release negative emotions.  You do that by releasing negative situations.  When you show the universe that you no longer need the rubbish in your life it will stop sending it, but you need to undo the damage within you that makes you keep coming back for more.

You may think that you don’t come back for more, but let me ask you one question.  If the same or similar situations keep occurring who is the person entering and then staying in these situations?  It’s you.  Therefore you haven’t healed the damage in you so that you can say “I deserve better than this” and that means it’s you choosing the situations.  Those who don’t choose them identify, observe, and walk away!

This world of ours is the perfect place to learn to deal with what I feel are the physical emotions – in other words not the serenity and love of the higher mind.

It is in this world that we get into a muddle, and it is to this world that we return to rectify matters.  We may have been unkind to someone in a past life where we knew no better or were victims of a socio-political situation bigger than ourselves.   We may have manifested in those lives behaviour that we cannot begin to comprehend now, and we may have decided to come back and right those wrongs.

In doing so we learn to deal with the emotions, releasing the negative ones yet keeping as part of ourselves the learning, wisdom and greater ability to love that can be the positive result of all the difficult times.

We certainly can’t work those things out in the Spirit World, because that would make it as messy and emotionally confused as it is here.

So if you find yourself experiencing difficult times, calm down, watch and listen to what is happening.  Keep a diary and look for repeat patterns.

If this is a one-off situation that you have never experienced before then avoid the trap of believing that everything that happens in the world is about you and realise that this might be to do with the other person.

Also understand that you may not know exactly what they’re going through in life.  Particularly at work most people present a surface image created for a foreign environment they’re forced into in order to eat and have somewhere to live.  So try not to judge the person or assign blame.  Just conclude that this is an abnormal situation for you, diary it and let it go.

If however you find that there is a recurring pattern then understand that it is a life lesson for you, and use your diary to help you identify the lesson both external – who and what you keep in your world, and internal – the negative emotions you need to eradicate in order to be serene in your own mind and life, and more importantly to like yourself and draw positive people towards you.

Believe me, from my own experience I know that this is a worthwhile and healing way to live.