Escape from Unhappiness

It's that time of year again when thoughts turn to new year's resolutions and people begin to wonder what they want to happen next year.  What do they want to change?  How do they want that to happen?  How quickly will they forget that they made a resolution and when will it dawn on them that another year has passed and nothing much has changed?  Probably about the same time you're realising that once again you've almost left it too late to post the Christmas cards.

I'm not a believer in new year resolutions, or indeed any resolution.  I am a believer in total, permanent change beginning from within.

For me a lot of things such as giving up smoking, losing weight, cutting down on alcohol, not buying things you don't need, etc., are symptomatic of an unsettled inner world.  If you started smoking as a dare who were you trying to please?  If you were rebelling why was that, and why are you still rebelling?  Do you drink to dull the pain of the day or life?  Do you shop to fill gaps in your life and clothes and stuff give you a temporary respite from the grinding reality of your every day life?  If you're in the wrong job or career, what were the decisions that got you to this uncomfortable point in your life, and are you in fact making better decisions nowadays?

These are the sort of questions I ask and why I prefer to begin the process of change a step beneath the surface of everyday life, in the truth.  Everyone has a truth and many people are aware that the real them doesn't see daylight.

Do you find yourself playing imaginary conversations in your head where you answer back, or make that killer point in the argument rather than standing their dumbstruck and agreeing with everything you disagree with?  Do you find yourself looking at the people in your life thinking "if only you knew the real me?" but never standing up and introducing them to that person?  Do you sit at work knowing that you were meant for better things than this, and then go out and job hunt for something exactly the same because it's part of your skill set?

The point is that if you really want to bring about meaningful change in your life that is real, permanent and effective you will need to find your inner truth and start living it and you can only do that by being it.

This means that you never again from this moment say yes when you mean no, agree with something you disagree with, or believe that the life you're living is the sum total of everything you're capable of.  Expunge the word 'deserve' from your life and don't deal with it.  There is no deserve (I sound like Yoda), there is only a life to be lived in the best way possible.

There is no rule that you have to be as unhappy as you can as often as possible, that good luck belongs to some people and not others, that success belongs to those born into money (try telling Richard Branson and Alan Sugar that!), or that fortune favours the brave.  Fortune favours the truthful, the determined, and those who don't quit!

So yes, please protect your health by stopping smoking and eating well, get another job if that's really the answer rather than a continuation of the same rut, cut down on comfort shopping, do whatever it takes to make the surface calmer.  But if you really want to live the life of your dreams then you must acknowledge what those dreams are and let the real you out into the daylight, and you can only do that be being fearlessly, determindly, truthfully yourself.

And never limit your power to daydream.  Happy thoughts are the quickest way to bring about deep internal change for the better.

Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, and real change for the better

Deb Hawken
Author of "Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?"
Out Spring 2014, email me to put your name on the pre-order notification list deb@debhawken.com