Sunday, 9 January 2011

If You Don't Change 'IT' then 'IT' Won't Change
Facebook: Deb-Dancing-Star-Hawken
Next workshop:  Whitchurch, Bristol, Saturday 5th February - Vision Board Workshop
I came up with this phrase about 17 years ago when I first started working to inspire people, and to me it sums up a fundamental problem with our society and way of thinking.  The fact that we are rarely brought up to take responsibility for our own lives.

It came about because I realised that people often talk in the abstract:  "Things can only get better."  "Things will change."  "It will change".  What THINGS?  What is IT?  All abstract, all unspecific, and all pointless affirmations.

If you've done any work with cosmic ordering or the power of intention you will know that the Universe calls for you to be specific about what you want or need whilst allowing for some flexibility in delivery.

For example, it is good to say that you want a reliable car that you really love driving and feel safe and happy in.  It is not good to say that you want a specific car.  Even if you've test-driven a few cars there might be one out there that you will like so much better and you don't even know about it, yet the Universe can receive your clear instruction about the type of car and guide you to the car that will fulfil all those wishes.

However, if you say to the Universe that "IT needs to change" or "THINGS need to get better" the Universe needs to wait until you tell it what exactly is wrong.

In one of my talks "Why Cosmic Ordering Doesn't Always Work" I say that I have a feeling that the Universe is sitting behind a closed door with two signs on it "I am NOT a banker; money belongs only in your world" and "When someone makes up their mind about something please knock".

Sometimes life is outside our control, a loved one is suffering in some way, a lover leaves; children empty the nest leaving only dust and memories behind.  A person is challenged with ill health.  When that happens all you can do is to maintain the most positive state of mind possible and use every tool in the book to help yourself or others.

However, a great deal of the time life is not outside your control.  You might think that you're putting on weight and you don't know why but what do you really eat in a day and how much do you exercise, have you checked with your doctor that there isn't an underlying health issue if you really feel you're eating and exercising well?

Please note that the vast majority of famous glamour-pusses and muscle men work out every day and live on strict healthy diets.  Bruno Tonioli of "Strictly" fame spends 4 1/2 hours a week in the gym and probably hasn't been seen with a donut in his hand since Moses was a baby!

(I apologise to the youthful Bruno for the age reference but the joke works.)

You might think that your so-called friends always treat you badly, but how are you contributing to that lesson and what do you intend to do about it?  A non-friend is no friend and yet it's surprising how many people need that pointed out to them when it's as plain as the nose on your face.

And please, the vast number of people you skirmish with on social networking sites are not friends.  No one is a 'friend' that you wouldn't recognise in the street.  They are acquaintances that you are getting to know with a view to building something real between you.

(Boy I was daring there, I started not just a sentence but a paragraph with the word 'and', the literati will shoot me - LOL - but it made the point.)

I love keeping up with and getting to know the friends of friends who make up my social networking groups, I really appreciate their presence in my life and I've learned a lot, been inspired, and laughed a lot with some of them, but friendship needs to be real to succeed, it is something you put your time, your effort, your heart and your soul into.  It isn't a quick status away.

Besides, true friends think like you, you're similar and you enjoy the differences that make each other unique you don't hate them!  Sometimes I think the social networking sites are misleading us, or are we not following up on the 'friendships' and making them real...interesting question.

Those are only two examples of the things that can feel wrong in your life but can be easily changed if you focus on them and take determined action.  If, however, you comment that your weight will "sort itself out", it won't.  You're the one eating too much, not exercising and convincing yourself that you only eat calorie free donuts and chocolate, beer doesn't have a calorie in it, and walking outside to the car is sufficient for anyone to develop a six-pack.

If you let people walk on you then they will walk on you until you politely and firmly say 'no' and mean it, if they don't listen thank them for their friendship and vote with your feet.  If you keep carrying on with toxic relationships whilst wailing that everyone uses you it is because YOU are staying there to be used.  It's easy to blame other people for using you but difficult to admit you're the cause.

Again, these are only brief examples of a book full of human quirkiries (actually I think I'll copyright that title - "Human Quirkiries" - right now, just in case I ever get around to writing those books).  You see that's my problem, someone somewhere is putting the mockers on my writing.  Boy am I going to have a word with that person when I find them, which will be the next time I pluck up the courage to look in a mirror - LOL.

You're not the only one, I've learned all my lessons the personal way.

I hope this has given you some food for thought and I'm always here if you want to actually work with these ideas.

I'll leave you with something that a counsellor said to me many years ago and that is:

"Choice and responsibility go hand in hand in life, not making a choice is a choice - and you are responsible for that."

Thanks Ben

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

(and plenty of forward-thinking decision making)


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