Friday, 18 May 2012

Are You A (problem) Keeper or Solver?

Are your problems your best friends?  "Of COURSE not!!!!" you're yelling at the computer screen, wondering if I'm completely and utterly nuts or have just lost my senses for a moment.

I'm neither, I'm a person who has worked with people on their problems for over 20 years and I can tell you that what I'm saying is true - many people hang onto their problems in the same way they hang on to a friend who may not be a positive force in their life but is better than no friend at all.

The way they do this is to complicate the problem out of all recognition until it's so big and difficult that it can't possibly be solved.  They try to see into the future and imagine how they would solve the problem, and then get scared and don't solve the problem at all because the end result seems so huge.

Whereas problem solvers take a long hard look at the issue and then take it one step at a time until they solve it.  Slowly and methodically.

One of the hardest things in life is to know yourself, warts and all, and trust yourself to be able to manage your own life.  These are attributes that should be taught in schools alongside Maths and English, because those strengths would get you a lot further in life than purely academic abilities alone.  But they're not, to the detriment of those who have gone before, those going through the system, and those yet to come.  To my mind positive thinking and problem solving attitudes should be taught in schools.

So once we've been trained by the people in our past to be the person we are, now we have to take responsibility for that and change it.  That's what I did and it's been a long road and sometimes a hard one, but from the day I made the decision that I would take out of my psyche all the things I'd been taught as 'truths' that I now knew a) weren't truths and b) were nothing to do with the person I am, everything has been that much easier.

How to do it though?  I can only suggest simple steps in a blog.

  1. Keep a journal and note whether you're a positive or negative thinker (remember, you don't always need to think negatively about difficult issues, you can think positively in a difficult situation). 
  2. Focus on happiness and nice things.  Really notice all the good around you, the birds, the flowers, the rainbows, the opportunities to go out and have fun.
  3. Go out and have fun.
  4. Read loads of books by 'thinkers' and build a mindset that is all your own.
  5. Go to see many inspirational speakers and find out what makes them tick and why.
These are good starting points because you have to change you in order to change your mind.  You don't want to be leaping in trying to change yourself all at once.  That simple step of journal keeping will tell you where you are emotionally.  The focusing on happiness will fill your mind with much better thoughts and that alone will put you in a positive space for dealing with your life.  Having fun will turn you into a fun person whose glass is always half full.  Other ideas will give you just that, other ideas to have in your head rather than the negative ones that have been taking up space.

The last big fear to be dealt with is "who am I without my problems?"  There's an entire book or counselling year in that, but here's a simple answer to start working with - someone happier.  Imagine that!  Imagine that every day, spend mind time thinking about it, feeling how it would be, visualising how you would live if you were happier, make it so real you can feel it and guess what?  It will happen.  

Just snuck another step in there.

Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights and no...oh what was the it's gone out of my head!

Deb :-)

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