Tuesday, 28 December 2010

"God Cries When a Sparrow Dies"

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I'm not sure that the quotation is worded correctly but that's a line from the New Testament of the Bible that has always stuck in my mind.

This blog was inspired by a lady I met on Monday 27th December who was in the invidious position that I was in, in 1999.  She had lost a much loved pet followed a month later by a very close and dear relative.

In my personal experience and that I have gained from working with others who are bereaved, bereavement is hell and it takes so many different forms (sometimes in the same day) that it's very difficult to actually 'do'.

Now I've had many dear people cross to the Spirit World (I can place over 30 men there alone) and it hurts differently every single time, but the hardest thing I've ever gone through is trying to mourn a beloved father and a beloved cat in the same month.

I was so confused, I felt equally badly about losing both of them, that in turn made me feel guilty that clearly I loved animals more than humans so what kind of monster was I?  It was emotionally horrific and believe me my heart goes out to anyone who suffers that particular torture, as it did to the wonderful lady that I met yesterday.

Fortunately for me I had a Spirit Guide at the time and he pointed out that the Spirit World does not measure love by body shape and design or number of legs.  The Spirit World includes animals of all species amongst their number and they work to rescue and heal animals in the same way as humans.  They recognise no greater worth, they only recognise love in all its forms.

Sadly I didn't have time to spend with the lady I met, and we were in a public arena so encouraging her to get her grief out onto the table and release it was inappropriate.  Yet she's worried me from that moment to this.  I just hope I said some helpful words.

So the point of this blog is to encourage you to do two things, firstly - just love!  Secondly, allow your grief to take whatever form it takes without guilt or questions.  We can always look back on the past and score it "3 out of 10 should have done better" but that's rarely true.  What is true is that we did our best for the people we were at that time..

It might be that for her and for me grieving our pets was easier than facing the loss of a beloved relative, and actually we were or are grieving it all in one big messy emotional heap.

So don't feel guilty about your love for your pets, as my uncle said when I asked him what it was like to own your own animals "It's tricky when you go on holiday, but then you work so you have to plan holidays anyway, and it's sad at the end, but every day in between they will make you smile or laugh."

Never a word more truly spoken and no one needs to feel guilt for mourning a creature that brings all those smiles into their everyday life.

So don't measure grief, don't grade grief, and try not to worry how it appears.  Just let it be, then you will recover from it and link back to the love you've always shared with whoever or whatever you've lost, and know that love is the link that binds us forever.

Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, love and smiles wherever they come from


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