Journey to Gavle

The journey to Gavle (pronounced Yarvler) in Sweden started 28 years ago when I was 15 years old.  I was walking down the street on a beautiful spring day feeling fantastic, the weather was beautiful, and all was right with the world; then I took another step.

In that moment I went from a happy, carefree teenager to a terrified one, and I can't tell you why.

For the next 28 years I struggled against acute anxiety, doing things that really scared me and getting through them but never comfortably and certainly never easily.  I'm proud of myself that I never gave in, but that pride didn't negate the struggle I lived through every day, beginning when I woke up in the morning.

I used to say that I was grateful if I managed to stay sane until I went to bed, because I spent so much time in fear of losing my mind.

I had a list of things that scared me that was long and completely unreasonable, and for someone who found it difficult to leave their own home flying was pretty near the top of that list.

Even so I managed to go to New Zealand with my husband and meet his family in 1993 but I haven't flown since, until this weekend.

As many of you will know I am a working Psychic Medium, writer and inspirational speaker, and I work very closely with my Spirit Guide Amos.  You will also know that I have never pretended to be more than human and I have always made it clear that I empathise because I have struggled too.

A few months ago, through a friend, I was invited to go and work in Sweden and I said yes.  I still felt scared but I also knew that it was time that this fear went.  I waited for the panic to appear and it didn't, however I was concerned that it would.

Then Amos asked me why I "made up stories".  I discovered that he was referring to the fact that unreasonable fear causes us to make up scenarios in our minds that aren't true.  They are based purely in a fear-induced over-active imagination.

As is my way when I am provided with wisdom of that kind I listened and I began to consciously work with this idea.  When the day came to get on the aeroplane I waited for the fear and it didn't come.  I did have a small wobble every so often but I walked on to the plane confidently and happily.

I had made up my mind that I would watch the cabin crew and if they remained relaxed then I would too.  So when there was a little bump or rattle, or the alarming sound that turned out to be the wheels retracting into the fuselage, I checked the cabin crew and the faces of more seasoned travellers and if they looked comfortable I chose to allow myself to feel the same way.

I flew into Sweden's Arlanda airport with my nose buried in a book, barely raising my head when we had what my seasoned traveller of a husband called an interesting landing.  I spent the weekend in Gavle enjoying every second of my time without once considering the flight home. And I danced onto the return flight with a new book and no concerns whatsoever.

My journey to Gavle led me not only to meet wonderful people, but also to spend time in a country I have discovered that I can completely relax in.  What it is about the energy of the country and its people I do not know, what I do know is that all the niggles that prey on my mind when I'm at home ceased to exist and I am filled with gratitude for that.

It might have taken me many years hard work and a constant and complete determination never to give in to that fear that was often exhausting but necessary in order for me to overcome it, but it was worth it to get on that plane and visit a place where I can relax and forget myself.

I will always have Gavle, I will always have the wonderful friend I made over there (Pierre Hasselbrandt) and I hope I will get to know better the many lovely people he introduced me to and who supported my work when I was there.

What I won't have is the fear I've battled for 28 years, and I am more than happy to kiss that goodbye once and for all.

For many people they have a long hard road to hoe when it comes to their inner demons, but I'm proof that if you don't give up and if you work with the ideas that others give you, using them as tools for change, you too can go and find your own Gavle.

If you have an Amos it helps too, and my gratitude in being a guided Spiritual worker knows no bounds.  If you don't have an Amos you have me.

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights, knowing that if I can overcome my inner demons so can you.

Deb

Spirituality and Speech

I don't often use my blog to rant but this has annoyed me.

At a recent demonstration an attendee came up to a friend of mine and told her that she was very upset because she had been told by someone at a mind, body, soul event that the Medium that night wasn't very good.  

It transpired that, being a decent human being, she had decided to go along anyway to judge for herself rather than listen to gossip.

She was very angry for two reasons, firstly because she said it wasn't true but secondly - and most importantly - because she was investigating the Spiritual field in order to add something positive to her life that she felt was missing.

She said to my friend something along the lines of "What's the point in getting involved if even people in this field can be so unpleasant?"  My friend spoke to her and encouraged her to keep coming, but the story really annoyed me because this lady was right to question her continued involvement.

Even though Spiritual Workers are just ordinary people with the same weaknesses and failings as everyone else we still need to understand the responsibility we take on when we choose to assume the mantle of Spiritual Worker.

When people turn to our field for help and inspiration they do so because they need to have faith in something.  They are looking for hope for the future and something more positive and loving than everyday life seems to offer.  What they don't want, need or deserve is the same old same old in the way of fear induced criticism.  Especially when it comes cloaked in the form of Spirituality.

Spiritual workers don't get sprinkled with fairy dust when they commit to working for the Spirit World, they remain very normal human beings who have good days and bad days.  This is wonderful work but it isn't easy work and like anyone a Spiritual worker can have a bad day at work.  Surely we of all people should understand this and not judge each other? 

So to anyone working in the Spiritual field I say this.  Before you decide to comment negatively about another Spiritual worker think about what image you're presenting to the people who seek our help and don't trample their hopes and dreams into the dust of negativity.  

A person who needs this work and our help to support her in managing her everyday life, and perhaps her grief, was nearly lost and that can never be right. If you need to have a whinge do so to someone in the field who is certain of their own beliefs and won't be damaged by your attitude.

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

Deb

Global Focus - Calling All Light-Workers

You may or may not know that I'm married to a New Zealander; as such the recent earthquakes in Christchurch have been very personal to both of us even though we are deeply fortunate that our family is on the North Island.

However, this morning, along with his birthday greetings, my husband received news that Wellington are being threatened that it's their turn soon.

This is obviously very frightening, although Tony's family are not people to dwell on the negative.

As part of this situation and the recent floods in Australia I can't help but notice how many people post and re-post about these events.  How many send emails with yet another video about the chaos and destruction, damaged lives and bereavement.

Obviously this is understandable because there is an emotional need at these times to know that other people care about what's happening and you're not alone, but as a light-worker this attitude really worries me.

We know that positive thinking leads to positive outcomes and negative thinking takes our lives the other way.  Whilst we know that controlling the weather and seismic activity of a planet is a challenge to say the least, do we have the right to focus on the negative on behalf of the people living in these places.  I think not.

I'm not just talking about the Antipodes either, close as they and their people may feel to us.  I'm talking about Pakistan, China, India, Italy, and all the other places that have suffered natural disasters.

As light-workers I feel we need to do two things and do them constantly.  Firstly, send out healing to the planet earth and use positive visualisations to settle the planet down.  Secondly we must send healing to all people affected by natural disasters and with it send our confidence and certainty that they will find the strength and emotional healing to rebuild their lives.  We can also send a good dose of that strength with our healing.

We can set up points of light in these tragedy-ridden areas to help both those still on this side and those who have lost their lives.  The points of light will draw the souls of those who have passed to the Spirit World, and they will also help the people who walk through them to feel healing, love and strength.  We can keep those points of light topped up with positive healing energy to help.

I'm going to ask for help to create one in Christchurch by the Cathedral.  It would be lovely if you would send your healing and support to make sure that the point of light expands to take in the entire city and surrounding areas.  I'm also going to ask for help to send healing to the fault line in the hope that it will somehow grease the edges and make the two plates glide easily past each other.

Many people won't believe as we believe, many won't see that it can help, but we as light-workers must send positive energy to those people, they have all the negativity they need and we cannot in all conscience do anything that will pull them down further.

In one way we are helpless when such awful things happen, but in another we can be the most powerful because of the healing energy we can ask for and send.  Can we help the planet and prevent these disasters?  Who knows because the planet is always in a state of flux, but we should at least try to do something positive and not add to their woes by sending tears and misery.

From now on let's make a pact that when something happens anywhere in the world we will create a point of light and ask the universe to expand it with healing energy to help those living in that area.


Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

Deb

Trust

Trust is a funny word isn't it?  We talk about it a lot, we think about it a lot, we blame the lack of trust in others for a multitude of sins and negative events, and yet we misplace it all the time.

You're probably thinking that I'm referring to all the times you've trusted other people only to find that they weren't who they say they are.  Well I'm not, I'm referring to trusting yourself.

If you trust yourself then it doesn't matter what anyone else does or says, you know that you can overcome or deal with whatever the results are of other people's actions.  However, self-trust comes hand-in-hand with choice and responsibility.

Yes I know that three hands is an impossible thing and brings on images of juggling, but actually these three attributes - or choices as I prefer to call them - are perfectly fitting pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that can create a new you in no time at all.

If you're always third-partying your life, putting your happiness in the hands of strangers, and generally blaming everyone and everything for all the pits you fall into, then you are giving away the power in your life.

To remain within your own power you must make choices, then take the responsibility for those choices, and lastly trust yourself that whatever anyone else does you will be able to handle it confidently and quickly.

If you can own those three handholds of life then you will discover that you aren't at the mercy of others all the time.  Not only that, you will forge better relationships because you will take two levels of responsibility, firstly for doing your part to be a positive partner in the relationship (be it romance, work, friendship, etcetera), and secondly by knowing that if it doesn't work you will notice and you will know what to do.  More importantly, you will know when to walk away.

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

Deb

Ego Boost

I know that in Spiritual circles the word ego isn't a pretty one, in fact it's been known to make grown adults spend hours telling you how they don't have an ego and wouldn't know what one was if they saw one.  The trouble is that most people don't know what the ego actually is.

So what is it?  I'm glad you asked!  The word means "I" in Greek, and the ego is something that sits between the Super Ego (our conscience) and the id (the pleasure principal which helps us to get our basic needs met).

The id develops first in our babyhood and it allows us to get the necessary sustenance to survive.  The Super Ego develops as we are taught right from wrong and becomes the parent in our own head.

The ego is the sense of self and also the sense that others have a self, it is the ego part of us that understands that fulfilling only our own needs is selfish.  It is the ego's job to sit between the needs of the id whilst taking reality into consideration - you could say it ensures that we are fed and watered but prevents us from keeping all the food for ourselves.

As you can see, the ego gets a very bad press because it is regularly and wrongly defined as showing off.

Yet how do we define that state of needing to know best about everything that matters if it isn't ego?  You define it as fear.  Anyone who has to spend ages telling you how wonderful they are or how wonderful you aren't is suffering from fear.

Their confidence is threatened because they haven't developed the balanced sense of self that allows others 'to be' and doesn't feel that if one person is good at something that means they cannot also be good at whatever it is.  That's what causes the fear mode of becoming the world expert on everything.

Nowhere will you experience that fear more than in the Spiritual field.  There are so many Spiritual workers out there doubting themselves that, through fear, they land up judging others and finding them wanting.  Perhaps this is because we can't stick a degree or professional qualification under anyone's nose and yell "there, it's official, I do know what I'm doing."

Our lack of officially recognised training isolates us and leaves us in a place where we have to trust ourselves more completely than in any other field of life.  That can be scary because most people in life doubt themselves.

Imagine if you will having to stand up for something so completely, with no backing and no proof, the only thing you have is your own honest and genuine belief.  That's not much of a stick to defend yourself with is it?  Some people just can't deal with it.

I've known many Spiritual workers brought to their knees because of the fear of having an ego.  I've also known many attacked for their work and almost disabled by the unpleasantness of the situation.  If you think about that for a moment you will understand that any Spiritual worker needs their ego (without it you'd have no sensitivity to your clients) and their sense of self.  They also need to be able to judge realistically whether they are or are not doing a good job.

It's utterly ridiculous and serves no useful purpose to going round being over-humble and compromising your ability to do your work just so that no one mentions the word 'ego' in your presence.  Your clients deserve the best and they deserve to know that you know that you can deliver that - realistically.  Remember, the ego is about realism.  I've never heard my Guide tell me he's brilliant or useless, he just gets on with it.

Knowing quietly within yourself that you are confident in what you do is realism, and therefore ego.  Telling everyone, everywhere how much better you are than everyone else who's ever been born and how much more you know is just plain showing off.

So if you're not doing that, if you're not tearing others down in order to bolster yourself up your ego is in perfect working order.

Yet what do you do when your work takes a huge knock?  If you are a true Spiritual worker you pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again.

If you can't do that then you do have a problem and it's not ego.  It means you're in the Spiritual field for the wrong reasons and you're not working simply for the love of Spirit.

I spoke to someone the other day who, to me, epitomises the term 'Spiritual Worker'.  I'm not going to reveal who that person is but I can tell you that on the scale of hard knocks that person has experienced a real doozy.  Yet they're out there still trying to improve on their work and offer more to the people they meet.  Not only that, they have the courage to acknowledge the hammering they've taken, accept it and move on.

The person is gentle and genuine.  Yet obviously they do have a good sense of who they are and what they can do - goodness knows they've had enough evidence via their own two eyes to know that - and it's that sense of reality (ego) that is keeping them going and driving them to constantly improve .

So, remember that your ego is there to give you the sense of 'I' that you're entitled to have, and also to remind you that other people are 'I's' too.

I do work simply for the love of Spirit (over there and over here),

If you can do all these things, if you can take the knocks and the hard knocks without ever thinking about giving up then you are a Spiritual Worker, and your ego is doing it's job brilliantly, as are you!

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

Deb

Co-Editor of Silent Voices Online Magazine
Latest article:  Tony Stockwell
www.silentvoices.org.uk

Today I fluffed my pillows on the bed. 

I got up as usual, whipped off my functional cold-weather snuggling gear and...before I tucked it under my top pillow...I picked up both pillows and fluffed them.

I doubt that you’re impressed.  I doubt that you’re even surprised.  The only mildly surprising things about all this are:

a)     Doesn’t everyone?

b)    Why am I telling you this?

I’m telling you because it’s through the simplest of our actions that we reveal ourselves and our thinking, thus demonstrating how we’re holding ourselves back.

For many years I’ve had trouble sleeping.  My pillows have been uncomfortable and I can’t get my head and neck in a position conducive to sleep.  I toss and turn, I thump the pillows, I curse them under my breath, and eventually I fall into a fitful sleep. They’re the kind of pillows that require fluffing to bring them back into shape and I don’t fluff them.  Today I did.

So what have I learned from this that I want to convey to you?

I’ve learned that I am now ready to accept a decent night’s sleep and that I will take appropriate action to help create that sleep.

It’s a simple thing, almost a nothing thing.  Yet everything we do tells us where we really are in life and how we really feel.  Everything we don’t do tells us something about our lives.  Everything we say tells us the truth.  The problem is we don’t want to hear and see.

Let’s think about a few examples.  Being too tired for sex obviously tells you something.  What about going to the supermarkets and buying pre-prepared food, what does that tell you about your willingness to look after yourself properly?  What does it tell you about nurturing those you love?

You’ll probably say you’re too busy, yet if you watch some of the TV chefs you can prepare a fantastic meal made with natural ingredients and have it on the table inside 20 minutes from beginning to end.

Are you constantly late for work?  Ever considered that you don’t want to be there?

Do you say yes to things and then find excuses not to do them?  Do you arrange to go out and find that you develop a headache or some such thing half an hour before and you’re frequently cancelling things?  Anything you set up and cancel tells you what you really want.

Do you say you’re going home or that you’re going “back” or to “Acacia Drive”?  Do you hate your body and reach for the chocolate, or use the car to go to the corner?

I could go on and on, but the message is watch what you do, listen to what you say, and learn to understand and accept what you really feel. 

You might feel more comfortable going along pretending that all is ok, but I’ll guarantee you that other people can see and hear it, so it might be a good idea to bite the bullet and sort things out.  Worst case scenario – you’ll be happier.

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights (very appropriate)

Deb

Translating the Conversation

One of the biggest problems we humans face in life are misunderstandings.  We've all been victims of them and all been equally puzzled when things go wrong and chaos ensues.


We sit at home feeling wounded running through the conversation or situation again and again in our minds trying desperately to work out what went wrong, only to end up frustrated and with a headache.


In my experience of working with people I have realised something, and that is that people often translate conversations in their minds, decide what other people really mean when they say something, and convince themselves that whatever they really want to happen, will.


This is because we all have our own agendas and own desires, which brings me to the second part of this problem: knowing what you really want.  Sadly, few people know what they really want out of life and if you don't believe me ask yourself how many people you know who are as blissfully and completely happy as possible in all areas of their lives.  I'll guarantee you that you can think of very few.


You may know people happy in their work - but how many?  You may know people happy in their relationship - but again how many?  How many people do you know who are really, deep down, happy with their lot and how many do you know that are living a compromise?


Add to this that although we all think we listen to others, those best at the job have done years of training in learning to listen.  This is because you need to learn to listen beneath the words and hear what the person is really saying.  You do this by listening to their speech patterns, noticing what they talk about, and most importantly of all - watching their actions and noting the results.  


We live lives of pretence, pretending that we are doing something, pretending we're working hard to bring about changes, pretending we want something when deep down inside we're screaming to escape.


We also care about the people around us so when they ask something of us we will say yes even when we mean no - again running a second conversation through our minds working out how we can get out of whatever it is as quickly as possible.


Thus it doesn't matter how clear we are when we talk, we're actually not talking about quite the same subject in quite the same way, and we're amazed when the wheels come off.


So the message is, listen to your own thoughts when you speak words, and listen to what the person in front of you is actually saying.  Be aware when you're thoughts are running contrary to what your mouth is agreeing to.


Also understand that your agenda needs to be spoken clearly out loud otherwise you cannot expect the other person to understand you and what you want.  A favourite Deb-ism of mine is - what isn't said isn't heard and you can't blame other people for their ignorance if you haven't spoken.


When dealing with someone else watch them carefully and if you're not certain you're on the same page flag that up and reinforce your side of the conversation as clearly as possible.


If you're not sure ask questions, and if it's in any way important (especially financially and emotionally)  confirm the conversation in writing so that you both have it to go back to. 


Just be aware though that every time you get into a muddle it won't be entirely the other person's fault because you were there too.


Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights


Deb